It's come to my attention that during the 1970s, America was a flaccid, flaccid nation when it came to our music. What were we thinking? Actually, let me rephrase that. What were y'all thinking? I can't take a whole lot of responsibility for any of it, really. I started out the 1970s being 2 years old and there's rarely anything that you can hold a 2-year old accountable for, much less, responsible.
Let's start with a Number One hit from 1974. Paul Anka sang a horribly sappy song called "You're Having My Baby". I don't get this song at all. Allow me to give you a sample of the lyrics if you're not already familiar with this atrocity. Ahem.... That you're havin' my baby
You're the woman I love and I love what it's doin' to ya
Havin' my baby
You're a woman in love and I love what's goin' through ya
The need inside you, I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya, baby, do you feel it growin'?
Are you happy you know it?
That you're having my baby.
Are you kidding me? "The seed inside ya, baby, do you feel it growin'?" What. The. Hell? And those aren't just crappy lyrics. That was a number one song!! What was wrong with this country?! Y'all listened to that crap? Willingly??
Are you kidding me? "The seed inside ya, baby, do you feel it growin'?" What. The. Hell? And those aren't just crappy lyrics. That was a number one song!! What was wrong with this country?! Y'all listened to that crap? Willingly?? Then there was the David Geddes hit "Run, Joey, Run". I was not familiar with this song until just a
few days ago when the fabulous Armstrong & Getty were discussing it on their morning radio show. (Download the podcast of their show over at iTunes. These two are fabulous!) "Run, Joey, Run" is a song about a girl who gets knocked up by her boyfriend. The girl's father finds out and gets angry. The girl's father then proceeds (from what I can figure out according to the lyrics) to hit the girl and then get his gun to go daughter-knocker-upper hunting. She tries to warn the boy, the aforementioned Joey, but he doesn't listen. He comes over to her house, the Dad goes to shoot him and the daughter (I believe her name is Julie) jumps in front of him and the Dad ends up killing her. Top of the charts!
few days ago when the fabulous Armstrong & Getty were discussing it on their morning radio show. (Download the podcast of their show over at iTunes. These two are fabulous!) "Run, Joey, Run" is a song about a girl who gets knocked up by her boyfriend. The girl's father finds out and gets angry. The girl's father then proceeds (from what I can figure out according to the lyrics) to hit the girl and then get his gun to go daughter-knocker-upper hunting. She tries to warn the boy, the aforementioned Joey, but he doesn't listen. He comes over to her house, the Dad goes to shoot him and the daughter (I believe her name is Julie) jumps in front of him and the Dad ends up killing her. Top of the charts! Lyrics David Geddes lyrics - Run Joey Run lyrics
Seriously. What was going in y'all's lives that you wanted to listen to that? Granted, it has kind of a catchy tune and all, but it really gets weird once you start thinking, "What now? A gun? Run? He shot his daughter? What the hell?" I mean, it's really weird.
But here's my favorite weird-ass song of the 1970s. Are you familiar with a song called "Timothy"? "Timothy" was a catchy little ditty by the one-hit wonder group, The Buoys. While the song itself is disturbing to say the least, I'm kind of glad that they only had just the one hit, as I can't imagine how they'd possibly follow up a song about cannibalism. Wait. What now?
That's right. Cannibalism. Pop-culture cannibalism. That song made it inexplicably all the way to Number 17 during the year of our Lord 1971. Number 17. How did...? Wait. I need to fill you in on "Timothy" before I go on babbling about how weird this is.It seems that Joe and Timothy and "me" (the narrator of this morbid tale with a catchy tune) were trapped in a mine. The tale goes something like....
"Trapped in a mine that had caved in
And everyone knows the only ones left
And everyone knows the only ones left
Were Joe and me and Tim....
When they broke through to pull us free
The only ones left to tell the tale
Was Joe and me
Now, normally, you wouldn't think that "the only ones left to tell the tale was Joe and me" would mean that the two dudes ate their freaking friend! You'd just figure that Tim died, wouldn't you? Yes! You would! Because that would be what? Normal, that is correct. But this song is far from normal. And it goes on....
"Timothy, Timothy, Joe was looking at you
Timothy, Timothy, God what did we do"
Huh. I dunno. What did you do? Let's skip a couple of lyrical passages ahead to find out, shall we?
"My stomach was full as it could be
And nobody ever got around to finding Timothy". Oh, God.
Now, according to Wikipedia (take it for what it's worth), once folks figured
out what the weirdo lyrics were about, it began to demand more airtime and move its way up the chart. When the radio executives began to realize that there was a hit record hidden in this morbidness, they tried to claim, of all things, that Timothy was really a mule and not a person. This was supposed to somehow make the airing of such a song more palatable to the stations and the listeners. I don't know if that worked or not, but the song did make it up to Number 17 that year. I really can't imagine that saying that they ate a mule was going to make the song anymore happy-go-lucky than if it were a person. Don't get me wrong. Eating a mule is much better than eating your buddy. But when it's in a Top 20 song? It's still freaking weird.
Seriously, what would be your next act after you've had a hit with cannibalism? A polka medley about bestiality? Is K-TEL still around? Are they still producing their 8-track collections of various genres of songs? Hits from the 80s? Things like that? If they are, they need to get on this one right now. They need to come out with "Crap We Used To Listen To - The Seventies". They could have a "Crap We Used To Listen To" for all decades, really. It would be a hit. I'd buy it just for the sheer awfulness of it all.
out what the weirdo lyrics were about, it began to demand more airtime and move its way up the chart. When the radio executives began to realize that there was a hit record hidden in this morbidness, they tried to claim, of all things, that Timothy was really a mule and not a person. This was supposed to somehow make the airing of such a song more palatable to the stations and the listeners. I don't know if that worked or not, but the song did make it up to Number 17 that year. I really can't imagine that saying that they ate a mule was going to make the song anymore happy-go-lucky than if it were a person. Don't get me wrong. Eating a mule is much better than eating your buddy. But when it's in a Top 20 song? It's still freaking weird. 
Seriously, what would be your next act after you've had a hit with cannibalism? A polka medley about bestiality? Is K-TEL still around? Are they still producing their 8-track collections of various genres of songs? Hits from the 80s? Things like that? If they are, they need to get on this one right now. They need to come out with "Crap We Used To Listen To - The Seventies". They could have a "Crap We Used To Listen To" for all decades, really. It would be a hit. I'd buy it just for the sheer awfulness of it all. 
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