Well, We're Securing SOMEONE'S Borders

In a move that is both difficult to comprehend and understand, the Homeland Security Secretary, a one Janet Napolitano (former governor of Arizona), has agreed that the United States federal government should and will help secure the borders. Of Saudi Arabia. Wait. Of...of...what the what?!

Correct. According to something called World Tribune (dot-com, of course), the very same Janet Napolitano is quoted as saying, "It is a very rough border, very difficult to protect from illegal crossings." Uh-huh. And your point is....? I'm not quite getting it. Well, you know, "So many of our discussions were about how to protect a very tough, geological, topographical border from illegal crossings." These inexplicable remarks were made when she was visiting "the Saudi kingdom" on May 31, 2010. (I don't really know why they didn't just say "Saudi Arabia", so it might not be the same, but I'm guessing that it's pretty darned close.

And according to something called the Middle East Newsline (I'm sure they're reputable) "Officials said Riyad and Washington were expanding cooperation in protecting the kingdom's borders from insurgents and smugglers." Oh, good! Cooperating with another country to help secure some borders. That sounds promising. Wait. I keep forgetting that we're not talking about the US borders here. Silly me. Why would I keep thinking that the federal government would be protecting our own borders first?! What am I thinking?!

But enough about me. How about more from Janet Napolitano? She made the point that "So many of our discussions were about how to protect a very tough, geological, topographical border from illegal crossings." I'm still a little unclear on why we can't have these discussions about the US borders! Why are we OK with securing every other border except for our own?! Does no one else see the irony in this?!

Oh, no. Of course not. See, "We all share a concern about terrorist activity emanating from Yemen. Actions of the U.S. in Yemen are with the consent, cooperation of the government of Yemen." Oohhh. OK. I got it now. Look, just substitute "Mexico" for "Yemen". That's why this isn't happening here. Mexico doesn't want to secure the borders. They don't want to cooperate. They're too busy with their drug cartels and their corruption to worry about securing the borders. Granted, none of that explains why we, the world's superpower, can't just do it ourselves, but I'm sure there's a reason. I can't imagine what it is, but it's either a reason or just sheer stupidity on the part of Homeland Security. I'm holding out for a reason. See, because if I don't, I'll have to build the wall around my walled off compound at least two feet higher and it's already pretty high. I'm thinking about just going to a dome defense. We are so doomed. And screwed. Totally scroomed.

Why has mainstream media not picked up on this little gem of a story? Why am I reading about this online in something called the World Tribune (no offense, World Tribune)?! Why am I not seeing this on the alphabet networks nightly newscasts? I don't get it! We're willing to spend our time, our resources and quite possibly our lives defending other countries borders, but not our own?! Don't get me wrong. I'm all for stopping the terrorism threat from Yemen from flowing anywhere. That's a good thing. But I can hardly see the logic in being all gung-ho over something like that, but not seeing the need for the same sort of importance and implementation in this country! And not only not seeing the need, but coming out against any sort of attempt by the states, specifically Arizona, to take illegal immigration matters into their own hands!

I don't get it.

That Which Can Kill You, Can Kill You

I suppose that it's necessary whenever there is a public health threat out there to alert the public. But when it involves the quality of the heroin that one may or may not be doing, is it really necessary to make it sound so important? At the very least, please don't use that "something terrible has happened" voice when reporting it.

Down under at the fabulous Australian news source of news.com.au, we learn that "British authorities today warned drug users that heroin in London was highly likely to be contaminated with anthrax." Right. Because if there's one thing you don't want in a drug that can kill you, it's another drug that can kill you. Wait. What?

That's right! There might be anthrax contaminating heroin. Is that even possible? To "contaminate" heroin? I always think of things that are not contaminated as something that is pure. Something that is OK. Something that isn't going to kill you or make you so dependent on it that you lose everything in your entire life, end up homeless and destitute and having to defecate into a wooden bucket at some point (so I've heard).

According to a one Dr. Brian McCloskey, director of the Health Protection Agency over there in London. "While public health investigations are ongoing, it must be assumed that all heroin in London carries the risk of anthrax contamination." Oh, OK. Hear that, heroin users?! Are you paying attention to what the director of the HPA is saying about your illegal drug of choice? (I'm sure that they are. I'm sure that they just shoot up every day whilst watching a little C-SPAN or the British equivalent thereof.)

But fear not, responsible people who do not feel the need to inject addictive substances into your own bloodstream for the purpose of rendering yourself high as a kite and unable to do anything besides be high and drool! Fear not! That's because that same Dr. McCloskey has added that "...the risk to the general population was "negligible." Really? So, if you have heroin which is contaminated with anthrax and you don't actually do heroin, then there's nothing to worry about? Fascinating.

Here comes my favorite part. It's the part about what to do about this problem. That same doctor says that "Heroin users are advised to cease taking heroin by any route, if at all possible, and to seek help from their local drug treatment services." Oh. Well, why didn't you say so?

See how easy it is? All of you people out there who are addicted to heroin? Yeah, all you need to do is just stop doing it. That's right. If you were afraid that it was going to be some big, long complicated solution that involved various types of math or something, you're in luck! All you have to do is STOP doing the heroin! That's all. Just stop.

I think that we all know that the threat of dying isn't exactly something that is going to scare a heroin addict to stop cold turkey. It's not like they're going to hear about the anthrax and suddenly exclaim, "Wait a minute now! You mean this s*** can kill me?! Hoooolllld on! If you're telling me that heroin can kill me, well, then, that's a different story. I shall stop this moment! There! I just stopped doing heroin. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clean this vomit off of myself and see about getting one of those job things that everyone is always talking about. Good day, madam!"