Well, We're Securing SOMEONE'S Borders

In a move that is both difficult to comprehend and understand, the Homeland Security Secretary, a one Janet Napolitano (former governor of Arizona), has agreed that the United States federal government should and will help secure the borders. Of Saudi Arabia. Wait. Of...of...what the what?!

Correct. According to something called World Tribune (dot-com, of course), the very same Janet Napolitano is quoted as saying, "It is a very rough border, very difficult to protect from illegal crossings." Uh-huh. And your point is....? I'm not quite getting it. Well, you know, "So many of our discussions were about how to protect a very tough, geological, topographical border from illegal crossings." These inexplicable remarks were made when she was visiting "the Saudi kingdom" on May 31, 2010. (I don't really know why they didn't just say "Saudi Arabia", so it might not be the same, but I'm guessing that it's pretty darned close.

And according to something called the Middle East Newsline (I'm sure they're reputable) "Officials said Riyad and Washington were expanding cooperation in protecting the kingdom's borders from insurgents and smugglers." Oh, good! Cooperating with another country to help secure some borders. That sounds promising. Wait. I keep forgetting that we're not talking about the US borders here. Silly me. Why would I keep thinking that the federal government would be protecting our own borders first?! What am I thinking?!

But enough about me. How about more from Janet Napolitano? She made the point that "So many of our discussions were about how to protect a very tough, geological, topographical border from illegal crossings." I'm still a little unclear on why we can't have these discussions about the US borders! Why are we OK with securing every other border except for our own?! Does no one else see the irony in this?!

Oh, no. Of course not. See, "We all share a concern about terrorist activity emanating from Yemen. Actions of the U.S. in Yemen are with the consent, cooperation of the government of Yemen." Oohhh. OK. I got it now. Look, just substitute "Mexico" for "Yemen". That's why this isn't happening here. Mexico doesn't want to secure the borders. They don't want to cooperate. They're too busy with their drug cartels and their corruption to worry about securing the borders. Granted, none of that explains why we, the world's superpower, can't just do it ourselves, but I'm sure there's a reason. I can't imagine what it is, but it's either a reason or just sheer stupidity on the part of Homeland Security. I'm holding out for a reason. See, because if I don't, I'll have to build the wall around my walled off compound at least two feet higher and it's already pretty high. I'm thinking about just going to a dome defense. We are so doomed. And screwed. Totally scroomed.

Why has mainstream media not picked up on this little gem of a story? Why am I reading about this online in something called the World Tribune (no offense, World Tribune)?! Why am I not seeing this on the alphabet networks nightly newscasts? I don't get it! We're willing to spend our time, our resources and quite possibly our lives defending other countries borders, but not our own?! Don't get me wrong. I'm all for stopping the terrorism threat from Yemen from flowing anywhere. That's a good thing. But I can hardly see the logic in being all gung-ho over something like that, but not seeing the need for the same sort of importance and implementation in this country! And not only not seeing the need, but coming out against any sort of attempt by the states, specifically Arizona, to take illegal immigration matters into their own hands!

I don't get it.

Middle Eastern Pop-Culture Poetry

If you ever really want to know just how different American pop-culture is from, say, pop-culture in the Arab world, just take a gander at some of the top rated TV shows in each land and you'll notice some startling differences. Actually, forget "shows" plural. How about "show" singular? Top rated show in America these days? American Idol. Top rated show in the Arab world? The Million's Poet. That's right. Poet.

Here's the gist of the show: While on American Idol, contestants get on stage and sing a song of their choice (which falls under the guides of whatever the ridiculous theme is that week), on The Million's Poet, contestants get on stage and read a poem. My. That sounds...well...simply awful.

First of all, I had no idea that the Arab world was so into poetry. Is that new? I can't think of many things that I would rather do less than go somewhere and listen to someone read their poetry in front of a microphone. Oh, no, wait, wait! I thought of something. Going somewhere to listen to someone read their haiku in front of a microphone. I'd rather hang myself than do that. It's not that I'm specifically against poetry or anything. It's just that I don't think I get it. Maybe it sounds nice, I don't know. But it certainly isn't going to make me all weepy or anything. Now, when some of those American Idol folks try to hit those high notes and they're screaming like someone just nailed both of their feet to the floor, that can get me a little weepy (but that's only because it feels like both of my eardrums are bleeding). But poetry? I think not.

Bottom line here is that I'm not a fan of poetry. But that's not what this is about. No, this is about how the Arab world has found their very own Susan Boyle, so to speak, through their hit show The Million's Poet. They have found this poet whose poetry really resonates with a lot of the folks who are doing the voting, both in the audience and by text message, just like American Idol. (Yes. There is voting. By text message. For a poetry show. This story is so modern and yet, so backwards all at the same time. And this gets weirder, believe me.) There are even three judges, but if you're thinking that you're going to be seeing the Arabian equivalent of Paula Abdul, you're completely mistaken. Here's one of the judges now. Behold!

(I said it got weirder, what did you expect?!) According to an article over there at The Huffington Post, a one Hissa Hilal "...recites poetry that brazenly calls out for women's rights and the end of Islamic extremism." Wow! That's pretty gutsy of...um...Hissa? Yes. Yes, it is. Even more gutsy considering that Hissa is a woman. And even more weirder when you see the show in action. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? THAT is a one Hissa Hilal, "...a housewife and mother of four from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia." She's dressed like that because "As is required of Saudi women appearing in public, she is covered from head to toe in a traditional abaya." Now, I realize that "traditional abaya" is a hard phrase to remember. I have a different name for it which will be much easier to remember. I call it "the beekeeper's uniform". Can you believe that's just a regular part of a hit reality show over there in Dubai and wherever else? Totally expected. Totally "normal". Not a problem for them. Not a problem. Wow.

I'm kind of thinking that she has to be a little bit relieved to be in the beekeeper's uniform, as "Hilal's poetry has, not surprisingly, led to death threats by Islamic extremists." Ah, yes. The ever predictable death threats by Islamic extremists so that they can, once again, show just how completely reasonable they really are. Hilal says of the death threats "Killing a human being is so easy for them, it is always an option." Granted, there have been days when I could only wish that killing a human being was an option. But for it to actually always be an option? It's barbaric to say the least (but I can see the handiness in it all if you don't let it go to your head).

Last week in the voting, "...she received the highest overall score in last week's semifinals, pushing her through to this Wednesday's final (and its $1.3 Million prize for the winner). " Holy crap. 1.3 million bucks?! What do you get if you win American Idol? A record deal? Is that record deal worth 1.3 million bucks?! I guess in some cases (Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson) it could be, but am I really to leave this conversation thinking that Taylor Hicks and Fantasia ended up with anything in the freaking neighborhood of $1.3 million? I don't think anyone could be expected to believe that, really.

Hissa Hilal claims not to be afraid for herself, but says that she is kind of worried about her children. Seems reasonable, considering the beekeeper uniform wearing society that she lives in. I'd be worried as hell about my kids. But she does what she does because "I am hoping my daughters won't have to cover their faces and they'll live a better life." You know what lady? Me too.

Seriously, how insecure must some folks be (Translation: How small must their penis actually be?) that they have to make up some sort of crazy rule for their crazy lifestyle that says that women must wear the beekeeper's uniform? And it is a crazy rule that was made up. The beekeeper's uniform came into existence right about the same time that Star Wars came out. I think some of those Arab folks saw Darth Vader in his little outfit and thought that seemed like a good thing to implement for the women folk. Since that mask and all of that hissing would have been tricky to pull off, they just went with the beekeeper look instead. Darth Vader, the beekeeper uniform, both extremely similar to each other.

I'm hoping that this chick wins the $1.3 million and uses it to get herself and her family the heck out of Dodge. I'm afraid that if she wins and sticks around for very long that she's going to find herself sans head one day. I can understand her wanting to hang around and further her cause, but it's really hard to further much when you're dead. I'm just sayin'.