Whore-o-ween Costumes

Halloween needs a new name. I'm voting for Whore-o-ween. What is with all of the inappropriate costumes, not just for women, but for men as well? There's something about being able to dress like a total slut for one evening a year that is seemingly very appealing to people. I understand why it would be appealing for the men to have women as scantily clad as possible. What I don't understand is why women like it. And they're really stretching it to try and come up with new whorisms this year. It's not pretty, folks. It's weird is what it is.

How is a fish sexy or slutty? Well, it's not. Usually. Unless you're Nemo. Wait. Nemo? The Disney fish? The Finding Nemo Nemo? THAT Nemo? That's the one. Behold!

Yeah, see, she doesn't really look like a fish. She kind of looks like a Creamsicle. With a black tutu. But moving on...it must be popular to take an animated animal and turn it into a "sexy" costume, as here we have another one. I'm going to let you guess what this is supposed to be, OK? Ready. Set. Guess!

What'd you come up with? Weird nurse? Snowman creature? I'm really grasping at straws here, as I had no idea what it was supposed to be. But then when I learned that it was supposed to be Brian, the dog from Family Guy, that's when I completely understood. Yeah, right. Who am I kidding? I really thought, "WTF?" Fortunately, they do seem to put a little picture of Brian right there on the teeny-tiny skirt, just in case someone has never heard of Family Guy or who knows what a dog really looks like.

Next up, sort of sticking with the animal theme, we have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle which sort of looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Transvestite. Behold!

Hmm. Didn't the actual fictional Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live in a sewer? Yeah, nothing says sexy like a sewer. Sure. What's weirder than that, you ask? Why, I'm guessing that it would be Sesame Street character costumes with their little heads turned into creepy berets. Behold!

Uh-huh. C is for Creepy. NOT sexy. NOT normal. Creepy. And wrong. And they didn't stop with Cookie Monster. No, they bereted Elmo, too!

She looks like a cave woman. She does not look sexy and I would not tickle her. And the Big Bird costume looks completely ridiculous.

All of them look like their head is being eaten by some creature who has snuck up behind them. Are people really going to wear these? I hope not. You know what else I'm hoping? I'm hoping that a certain costume trend for men doesn't become as popular or as well known as the Sesame Street costumes are. That trend would be any sort of costume that relies heavily on the man's penis in order for the costume to be successful. Take for example, the Petting Zoo costume. It comes complete with a penis llama (there's a sentence I never thought I'd type) and a sign that warns us that the llama spits. So gross. Behold. Or do whatever.

It's just wrong. I know you guys love your penis and all, but don't dress it up. You know what else you shouldn't do with it? You shouldn't give it a job (not THAT kind of job!) or a tool.

You shouldn't turn it into a double entendre (ie, a woodpecker).

And for cryin' out loud, don't turn it into part of a lovely meal.

What ever happened to just throwing a sheet over your head and being a ghost? Is there any way that we could go back to that? The sooner, the better, really.