Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Friday, April 8, 2011

Stay Classy, Mississippi


Something called Public Policy Polling did a poll the other day (shocking, I know) of the fine folks of Mississippi. According to their data, they polled "...400 usual Mississippi Republican primary voters from March 24th to 27th". I don't know what a "usual" Mississippi voter would be. Nor do I know how they differ from the "unusual" Mississippi voters. Judging from one of the results, however, I am now afraid of the "usual" Mississippi voter and I'm not really thinking that they should be voting at all.

They asked a bunch of questions about how the usual Mississippi Republican primary voters felt about a variety of potential candidates for a variety of potential politician positions. Things like Senator, President, Governor. You know. The usual choices for people that will end up doing a sub-par job at whatever they're elected to do. But then they decided to ask them a question that doesn't seem to have anything to do with politics at all. They asked if the respondents "...believe interracial marriage should be illegal". I didn't even know that something like that needed to be a question anymore. But apparently, when you're in Mississippi, it most certainly does, as 46% of respondents believe that it should be illegal. What. The. Hell.

Forty-six percent. Really, Mississippi? Almost half of you guys think that interracial marriage should be illegal? Are you dry shaving me?! And don't think that means that more than half of those polled think that it should be legal, as only forty percent answered that it should be. What is wrong with the other fourteen percent of you? You don't know? You can't figure that one out? You don't have an opinion? How can you not have an opinion on something so insane?! Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, but wait a minute! I just noticed that the margin of error on this poll is +/- 4.9%. That means that it could be as high as over half of Mississippi thinks that interracial marriage should be illegal. Wow. Did I say wow? Yeah, wow.

I don't really know what to say about this. I'm a little stunned. I mean, sure, there are always jokes about Mississippi and how fat and backwards they are, but I hoped that they were just jokes. Clearly, they are not. Clearly, stereotypes are based on at least a sliver of reality. And in this case, they're based on at least 46% of reality. Stay classy, Mississippi. And stay there. Please. Stay there.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Coming To A Relationship Status Near You

You politically correct types are going to be the end of me. I swear. I know you're going win in the end, but I'm going to try and fight it as long as I can. And while I've got a lot of fight left in me, this sort of stuff really tires my ass out.

According to a Huffington Post article, Facebook is branching out and giving you more, yes, more choices for how to describe whatever your relationship status might currently be! How enlightened of them! Apparently, "Facebook has added two new relationship status options users can include in their online profiles: "in a civil union" and "in a domestic partnership." OK. So, why does this bother me? Well, you know I'm going to tell you, so what say you just calm down a minute there, Sparky? (Sorry. I'm a little cranky. Stuff like this just gives me a full head of steam.)

Before all of the enlightening, the choices were "limited" to: Single, In a relationship, Engaged, Married, It's complicated, In an open relationship, Widowed, Separated, and Divorced. OK. That's all fine and good. Are you seeing my problem with including "in a civil union" and in a domestic partnership", yet? The answer is: It seems unnecessary to me.


And it's not just the new ones that I have a problem with. How is "In an open relationship" any different from "It's complicated"? What the what is "It's complicated" supposed to mean anyway? Is it like, "I'm going to break up with him, but I'm waiting until after my birthday to see what he gets me"? Or is it "I haven't found anyone else to sleep with without emotional attachment, so I'm waiting for that first"? Or is it simply "I'm cheating on him and he doesn't know it yet"? (Did you like how in that example I made the woman the cheater instead of the man? See? I can be progressive, too!)


But back to the new options. Isn't "In a relationship" good enough? You'd think (back when the whole gay marriage debate was going on in California) that the civil union and the domestic partnership options would have been frowned upon by gay marriage proponents. Good Lord, that's all we heard about was how nothing less than a marriage would do! I mean, I guess if folks who it applies to are OK with it and everything, then I suppose it's fine. Maybe I'm just irritated that I never know what's fine and what's not with these things! It's always changing! And it's NEVER the same. Folks were absolutely militant in California about civil unions and domestic partnerships being soooo not good enough. Second-class compared to being married is what I heard a lot of. (I also heard a lot of the opposite of that. "What's next? People marrying dogs?") Which one is it?!

How come "polygamist" isn't an option? Is it because it's illegal and, therefore, doesn't have a legal status? (I'm still waiting for a reasonable explanation as to why polygamy is illegal, by the way. Two consenting adults? Seems like that's their business. I wouldn't do it, but if they're not hurting anyone and I'm not supporting their lifestyle in any sort of financial way, then why would I care? Why would anyone care?) What about "swinger"? That's a choice without a legal status, just like "In an open relationship" is a choice without legal status, right? How come "swinger" isn't on there?


Maybe they should be more specific with some of these. "Engaged to an inmate". "Looking for love". "Will screw for food." I really don't know. If you're perfectly OK with a civil union or a domestic partnership tag, well grand. I just don't know that they were needed. And I've just re-read this entire thing and it's entirely possible that I'm either overreacting (not a shocker) or wrong (not a shocker, either). But it does kind of bother me for the reasons stated and probably for a couple more that I'm not quite sure about just yet. When I figure those out, I'll let you know. Just don't hold your breath. I don't plan on devoting a whole lot of time to thinking about this ridiculousness.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Keep Your Second Wife OFF Of Facebook

There's dumb and then there's just asinine. But what is it when you've gone past dumb and past asinine? Are you just so incapable of understanding anything at all and how it works that there isn't really a name for it? Or is the word that I'm looking for as simple as "idiot" or "moron"? It probably is, but this just seems like it require just a little bit more than either one of those. It's almost like the don't do the story justice, especially when the story is how a woman found out through Facebook that her husband had another wife. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to
WKYC in Cleveland, the woman, "Megan" as she preferred to be called for the story because she didn't want her real name used (nor did she want her humiliation to be spread far and wide and directly attributed to her), married her husband in 2005 in a ceremony in Italy. (I have no idea why WKYC thought that was relevant to the story, but they included it and so I did the same. If only they had questioned the relevance as I had, they might not have felt the need to include it at all.) After that "She knew her husband took a lot of business trips. Now she knows why." And while that's not entirely accurate (it's not like he was really on business trips, WKYC. Try to pay attention, would you?), his being gone a lot was explained when "Her relatives pointed her to the other woman's Facebook page where Megan discovered multiple photos of her husband and the woman together." Oh. Whoops.

Yeah. Whoops. Now, it's not like "Megan" didn't have some questions about what was going on in their marriage. "Megan said she first became suspicious when her husband claimed to have been in China and even brought back gifts for the kids yet his passport had been at home the entire time." It's unfortunate that the story doesn't delve more into how that was deal with in Megan's household. It seems a little difficult to explain, as that passport for international travel is pretty necessary. (Unless you're going to the United States, in which case just come on in like millions of other folks do every year.) But the media is crap these days, so what did I really expect?

I'll tell you what I expected. I expected people to be a little more discerning about what goes on their freaking Facebook page. But I guess this sort of thing happens all the time. What a weak act you people are. Seriously. You don't have the guts to just leave someone or to tell them that you're leaving? Instead, you leave it up to them to "accidentally" find out through pictures that were posted on Facebook? Seriously. Would you not know that there are people on your Facebook who are relatives or friends with the one of the other people involved in this and who will be seeing what is on your Facebook page? Or that of the whore that you're sleeping with? What is wrong with you people?

And it's not like just having the affair and having those pictures posted was enough for this guy and his extramarital bimbo. No, "A few weeks later, dozens of wedding photos also showed up on Facebook showing Megan's husband and his new bride." Dude. You're already married. You think that isn't going to come out at some point? Let me rephrase that, you moron. You think that this isn't going to come out at some point AFTER pictures of your SECOND wedding are posted on Facebook while you're still MARRIED? How can one be so dense and yet somehow manage to keep themselves alive through adulthood? It's a mystery.

Naturally, Megan wants a divorce. Her husband, not being all that bright to begin with, says "he doesn't believe he needs a divorce because he learned after the fact that the marriage paperwork was never filed correctly in Italy and therefor they were never married." Tell you what. How about if you don't get a divorce, but you let Megan go all Lorena Bobbit on you? That seems fair.

Look, I don't know about you, but I cannot imagine having an affair if I was in a relationship, let alone if I were married. It sounds simply awful to me. Not because of the deceit that is obviously present when something like that is going on, but because of the effort. It sounds positively exhausting. Trying to keep stories straight, trying to keep lies straight, trying not to get caught, trying to keep everyone happy, etc. Good Lord, why on earth would anyone voluntarily enter into such a mess? And this guy got MARRIED. TWO wives! Isn't one wife enough?! Isn't one wife plenty?! Isn't one wife more than enough on some days?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Aaarg.org Is Dead, Long Live Capital(isms) + Danto Responds to Queries on Art + NY Times on Black Straight Women's Marriage Prospects + 77 Banks Gone Under: Did You Know That?

For five years or so, an unheralded P2P site featuring a massive intellectual trove existed, mostly under the radar, and now it's dead. Aaaarg.org was an open-source, virtual library, one of the few places online where you could find a vast array of intellectual material usually on lockdown by publishers, private institutions, anyone. (It was linked to The Public School, a truly public, free-form, anti-institutional collective, initiated by the Telic Arts Exchange in Los Angeles in 2008, that has created and offered classes, at low cost, on a variety of utterly relevant topics, by anyone, in LA and 6 other cities (Helsinki, Brussels, New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, and San Juan). The Public School is still alive.)

Organized by participants and loosely overseen by Sean Dockery, aaarg's archive included work by almost every major theorist past and present and many not so well known, and "courses" or lists (think "Posthumanism," "Queer Technologies," "Bodies and Time," etc., ), also self-organized, which people could study to learn about...well, a great number of things in the realm of the humanities and social sciences. It did encounter legal threats, from Verso, OMA Rem Koolhaas, Columbia University Press, and Macmillan, the most recent press to issue it a cease-and-desist letter, tellingly enough, not long after Macmillan had worked out a deal with Apple for the iPad. Originally it communicated via email, but that shifted to a Twitter feed that went kaput as of May 27, 2010.


My own experience with Aaarg was limited, but I do want to note one remarkable thing that happened as a result of the site: for several years now, I've been trying to reach the Italian conceptual artist Cesare Pietroiusti. I first came across his work, particular Non-functional Thoughts, while surfing through MIT's news feeds. (I'm known to do such things.) He had been a guest there back in 2004, I believe. I found the gallery that had originally published Pietroiusti's work, and contacted them, but had no luck whatsoever getting ahold of the book. So I posted on Aaarg to see if anyone knew how to acquire the book or reach Pietroiusti, because it wasn't in any library I had access to, it wasn't available on Amazon or any other online book-seller, and I didn't know anyone who could lend me a copy. Lo and behold, after posting this request several times, a certain someone replied that he would try to upload the book, but never did. And this someone wrote me some months later and said that not only would I be able to find Non-functional Thoughts online (cf. above), but that if I sent my address, I would receive more Pietroiusti materials--because it was Pietroiusti himself! I loved this; he not only did send me his work (several books, including 100 things that certainly are not art; a CD), but also two original conceptual pieces, one of which I gave out, via raffle, to my students on the last day of classes! The work requires that if you're its owner, you must give it to whoever requests it, so whom better to have it than my student artists? Perhaps this might have happened via email or this blog or Facebook or some other means, but I appreciated how things unfolded via and as a result of this peer-to-peer site.

What I keep thinking about is the how the desire for proprietary control, control in the form of copyight, of intellectual property, that these publishers are demonstrating, which I grasp rests on a particular economic viewpoint that in part does benefit the authors of some of these works, contrasts not only with the work of The Public School and similar networks, but also with the push for free access to intellectual material and capital--classes, syllabi and so forth--by a number of very wealthy and powerful private universities, including two of the leading ones in the world, the aforementioned MIT* and Stanford. As anyone who has access to iTunes knows, for example, both of these schools, which cost about $50,000 to attend as undergraduates nowadays, make a wide array of their material free (you must, however, sign up for Apple), and MIT in particular has pushed for open-sourcing its syllabi for some time. (Other institutions also make their course materials, classes, and so forth available, but nowhere to the extent of MIT and Stanford). I think that making this material available is an excellent idea, but I also realize that the economics of it, the questions of property rights (especially in this country), control and access, are fraught. While being able to watch online classes on computer science, or chemistry, or the philosophy of mind, or sexuality, gender and performance in the contemporary global context, benefits potentially millions of people who will never be able to attend Stanford, and benefits Stanford too, what about the students who are paying a premium to attend (though they do get a substantially value-added experience, including direct access to the professor, the possibility of collaborative work and face-to-face conversations with each other, classroom time, access to world-class facilities, etc.), what about the contracting nature of humanities and social sciences academe, its march towards commercialism, and the prospects for those scholars who would benefit greatly from being able to teach, with pay, these courses elsewhere? Also, I think about the complex issues of intellectual work, its status as labor and property, and its control and dissemination: who ultimately has the say on what happens to it?

Nevertheless, I mourn the (temporary?) disappearance of Aaarg, and look forward to its (phantasmal) return--in some other guise.



===

In today's New York Times, the distingushed philosopher and critic Arthur Danto has responded to several queries, under the title "On Art, Action and Meaning," concerning his discussion of Marina Abramovic's The Artist Is Present, which ended just a few days ago at MoMa, and which I've talked about more than once on this blog.  I recommend reading what he has to say, though I found it too reductive, and strangely it left out Kant, who is--and this is not just my reading of the history and philosophy of art--utterly central to all Western art, and the understanding of this art, since the Enlightenment. He also says that philosophers aren't interested in art, which probably should have been reframed as, the Anglo-American academic philosophy profession isn't, because many of the best known philosophers, especially in the Continental tradition, have written extensively about art, sometimes devoting whole books (cf. Kant, Schiller, Nietzsche, Hegel, Kierkegaard, Schopenhauer, Collingwood, Adorno, etc.) on the topic. Lastly I was quite surprised that he holds fast, in the face of nearly 50 years now of art-making that troubles the notion of the autonomy of the artist, to the idea of Abramovic alone as the "artist," especially given his extensive writings on the conceptual and performance art of the 1960s and 1970s, and on Andy Warhol. It's invigorating, nevertheless, to witness such an august figure not simply ignore, but actually take the time to respond, however so, to readers and spectators who still had questions and criticism of his view of a given artwork.

Addendum: If you're in Washington, there's an Yves Klein show (1928-1962) show at the Hirshhorn Museum you might not want to miss!

===

Okay, this is my final New York Times-related post of the day, but last night I saw the following article by Sam Roberts and threw up my hands:  "Black Women See Fewer Black Men at the Altar." I won't even catalogue the problems with this piece, which rehearses arguments, tropes and perspectives so tired they want to just park themselves by the side of the road and die, but I will say that I loved the incoherent opening of the first comment, which began:
"I'm biracial (Black and White), the product of a genuine marriage between German born woman and a Bahamian/Native American man...." 
Uh, in addition the shaky comment about a "genuine marriage" (what's an ungenuine one, or that be a disingenuous one?), this person's ancestral background sounds like it involves multiplicity...okay, I know, I know, we remain entranced by our binaries, and "biracial" is a term that many people hold dear to their hearts.  Something must always cancel out something else, and the principle of both/and is a terrifying chimera....

But then, thankfully, there are always wits like this one:
Darn, this is sure going to make it hard for the tea partiers to know whom to take the country back from.

Believe you me, they have a pretty good idea.

===

We are not by any means as bad off as during the Great Depression, but the Great Recession lingers on, despite the government's regular assurances that we're in a "recovery." In fact, the same New York Times online edition noted above blithely reports today on $5000 bespoke suits and $4 million condos--Happy Days Are Here Again! Despite this optimism or blindness, unemployment rate isn't budging much, we aren't creating enough new private sector jobs, foreclosures of residential and commercial real estate are burgeoning, and the policies espoused by this Congress, the administration and economic policy makers appear to be still more concerned with wealthy investors and Wall Street, and cruelly indifferent to the struggles and suffering of millions of Americans.

One thing I rarely see reported in the mainstream media is the massive number of bank failures that are still occurring.  If you were to guess how many banks have failed since January, what number would you propose, at this time when we're in a "recovery"? If you guessed 77, that would be right: according to the Federal Deposit and Insurance Corporation's Failed Bank List, 77 banks have gone under since January 2010, or exactly 11 per month. This is evidence that the problem facing our financial system isn't just the "too-big-to-fail" banks, or deregulation, or securitization, or the failed right-wing laissez-faire, market-obsessed global policies that have brought us to this brink, nor even the problematic libertarian and neoliberal policies currently be implemented to address our economic problems, but at a very basic level, a severe weakness in terms of capitalization in many small and mid-sized American banks. Last year, 140 banks failed.  According to the FDIC chart, at this point last year 73 banks had failed, so the rate is slightly higher, but we're far beyond 2008, when only 25 banks failed.

I bring this up because I still don't think we're getting a complete or honest picture of where this economy is from the people in charge of it. I'm not arguing that it would be easy, or even possible, at least fully, to describe where we're at, but it's also clear that the government, the Federal Reserve, the bankers, corporations in general, and, worst of all for the American public, the mainstream media, are not being square about the true economic trough we're in or how little the current policies in place are addressing what's wrong.

The FDIC was a creation of the New Deal, and it has served the country invaluably since its creation, and it was the result of the spectacular wave of bank failures that engulfed the country by 1932, when around 10,000 banks had failed since the go-go 1920s. I may be a hopeless utopian and rationalist here, but I continue to believe that if we were better informed about even the basics of what's going on in this country, we would be better prepared as citizens to push our representatives--the Congress--to do what would be best for us as a whole, rather than just for those few citizens that happen to be, well, powerful corporations.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

No Divorce For You!


Slowly, but surely, the government is injecting itself into almost every aspect of our lives. How we do things. When we do things. Why we do things. When did the American people suddenly become so incompetent that they couldn't make a decision on their own? I don't know either, but if we're not careful, we're not going to be able to decide when we want to get divorced if we live in Arizona. Wait. What?

Correct. According to the
azdailysun.com, a one Rep. Nancy Barto (R-Phoenix) has sponsored a one bill HB 2650 which basically makes couples who want to divorce wait four months longer than they already have to wait. See, her theory is "....that requiring couples to wait 180 days will result in more people deciding they actually should stay together." Um...why?

She claims that in states where there is a longer waiting period, the divorce rate per 1,000 is 3.6 whereas in not-thinking-things-through-long-enough Arizona, the divorce rate per 1,000 is 3.9. OK, so that may be true. But thank goodness for Rep. Phil Lopes (D-Tucson), who piped up and said that what she's doing is that she's "...confusing correlation with actual causation". He also said that despite the statistics that "...there is no hard evidence that delays in granting divorce decrees actually keep couples happily married." And do you know what Rep. Barto had to say to that? You guessed it. She agreed with him. Wait. What?!

She agreed. There's no hard evidence that making people stay married longer when they're already expressed a desire to get divorced is going to actually make them decide to stay married. And Rep. Balto has been warned by a one Colleen McNally, a presiding family court judge for Maricopa County said "...that stretching out the process actually could be dangerous...domestic violence attacks actually increase the moment a spouse tries to get out of an abusive marriage." Yeah, see, I think that would be a problem. If you're forced to stay in a marriage and endure some beatings for an extra four months, that's not going to help the situation.

Adding to the ridiculousness of this idea (because you know there are supporters of it out there) are people like Deborah Sheasby, a despicable lobbyist. (I think all lobbyists are despicable, so it's not like I'm singling her out for anything, I just don't like lobbyists.) She claimed "...that in about four out of every five divorce cases, one spouse does not want out of the marriage." Yes, but see, that's why the marriage has to end! Because, in case you were absent on the day when we went over what a marriage entails, it would seem that both people need to want to be IN the marriage in order for it to be successful. Just because only ONE person wants to stay married is not really a very good reason in favor of the whole staying married idea. It's actually more of an argument for why they should get divorced.

Look, even though you can technically be granted a divorce in Arizona in as little as 60 days, that doesn't mean it's going to happen. The 60 days scenario is the "best case" scenario. If there is any negotiation, if there is any discrepancy as to who should get what, if there are children and/or property involved, or any number of other factors, you are not going to be fully divorced after the minimum 60 days has passed. Do the people that propose asinine legislation like this not see where the problem lies? I guess not. Perhaps I'll share it with them.

How about this idea instead: How about instead of making it so damn difficult for people to get divorced, why don't you make it a little more difficult for them to get married? Why is it so easy to get INTO something that is likely going to end up being the most life-altering decision that you can possibly make? Shouldn't that require a little bit more thought? Shouldn't that require a little bit more time to ponder and to plan for? How about this idea: People who go through pre-marital counseling BEFORE they get married get some sort of a tax break? People who are married and take some sort of marriage-stayin'-together class every other year get some sort of a tax break? I don't know. I'm just throwing stuff out there. It could be that requiring folks to wait before getting married is just as dumb as making folks wait before getting divorced, but I'm not so sure that it is.

If I thought that it were possible, I'd just say that the government needs to butt out of marriage all together. But since I know that's never going to happen (revenue, doncha know?), it makes more sense to me to have a longer waiting period before getting married than it does to have a longer waiting period to get divorced. I guess since it makes sense, that'll never happen either. Shame, too. I kinda thought I was onto something.