When a trial comes to a conclusion and the scumbag is found guilty, I am all for the victim's family getting to say something to said scumbag. I'm not overly fond of the scumbag getting to say something, but that's just because of the scumbag factor. I realize it's about fairness. I don't really think it's necessary, but I guess I get it. But really, if you kill someone, I don't give a fat rat's ass what you have to say.
I'm always amazed at the composure of the victim's families. Always. They always seem to have just poise when speaking to the loser who took away someone that they loved. I don't know that I'd be able to be that calm (and I pray to God that I never have to find out). Thus, I really like it when folks kind of let loose a little bit. Sort of like Chandra Levy's mother did when her daughter's killer was sentenced to 60 years in prison.
In case you may not care to remember, Chandra Levy was the intern who was clearly sleeping with California Congressman Gary Condit. And while that was clear, what wasn't clear was how she turned up dead in a park. Granted, a lot of people thought that it was clear and that Condit had killed her. Turns out, not so much. The really unfortunate part, other than the death itself, is that all of the 'not so much' kind of ruined his career. He always looked like a weasel to me. He might not have killed her, but we don't know that he hasn't killed anyone else, really. Do we? OK, we don't. But irresponsible and rampant speculation is really much more fun than the truth, don't you think?
Where was I? Oh, right! The victim's family. According to AOL News, a one Ingmar Guandique (who the author, a one David Lohr, refers to as a "Salvadoran immigrant", but who is really an "illegal Salvadoran immigrant". See how that's different? Yeah, it's very different. He should not have been in this country. There's a big difference between being a criminal and being an immigrant. Jackwagons. Way to go, AOL News...whatever that means.) was sentenced to 60 years in prison for Chandra Levy's death. And Chandra's mother had something to say to him about it. According to the article, "Before sentencing, Levy's mother, Susan Levy, asked Guandique if he had killed her daughter. When he shook his head, she said: "Mr. Guandique, you are lower than a cockroach. F--- you." Awesome.
I just don't get why there isn't more of that. Whatever the reason, there should be. There absolutely should be. I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. Levy. Oh, and by the way? Nice job.
Just in case you weren't totally convinced that Lindsay Lohan doesn't think that the rules apply to her, allow me to present you with exhibit number 1,348,729 (give or take a couple of exhibits). She's the kind of person that has her nails done and then decides that it's a good idea to have a little message painted on one of them. Now, I'm not saying that it's a direct message to the judge or to the court or to anyone for that matter, but it does give you some insight as to what kind of a lovely young lady this woman is. Moron. The picture is below. If, after clicking, it doesn't enlarge sufficiently, please do visit Huffington Post and see it for yourself in a larger than life format. It's a treat. And so is Lindsay Lohan. Aim high, sweetie!
What is wrong with Joe Biden? Seriously. I'm not sure if this guy could find his ass using both hands and even if he did manage that feat, I'm not sure that he'd know the difference between it and a hole in the ground. I was expecting him to be a little more wackier and little less moronic. It's unfortunate. Not that I'm not thrilled to have something to mock, that's not it. I'm just disappointed at what I see as the squandering of perfectly good potential.
Let's go back a week or so to when VP Joe was hosting St. Patrick's Day at the White House and had over, among others, Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen. According to the New York Daily News,"Biden asked for God's blessing for the late mother" by giving the ol' sorry-she's-dead intro of "God rest her soul" and then doing a bit of a double take. "Wait a minute. You're mother. She's still....that's right. God bless her soul. I've gotta get this right." For cryin' out loud.
Why do people say that anyways? "God bless his/her soul". Since when are we the ones giving the orders as far as God goes? What if they were an absolutely horrible individual and everyone knows that they're burning in hell? Do you still say that? I guess they do because I've never heard anyone say, "Yeah, good luck with the whole eternal damnation thing" or anything to that effect.
Then there was the day before the "historic" health care reform vote. (If I hear it called "historic" in all seriousnessone more time, I'm going to lose it. "Historic" doesn't necessarily mean "good". And I'm not comparing President Barry's administration to Hitler or anything, but Hitler did a lot of things that were "historic" as well. Hitler's just a easy go-to for situations like this.) On Monday, President Barry was giving some speech about the House of Representatives' final passage of health care legislation. For some reason, Biden was right there kind of at his side. But his purpose was unclear. He just stood about a foot away from President Barry and looked at him with this dorky grin on his face. Why was he there? It was like it was Take Your Vice President To Work Day. Very strange.
But the kicker was yesterday. Yesterday, that health care reform bill was signed by President Barry. I guess he felt like he needed to let ol' Joe say a few words before he signed it, so Biden got up there and said whatever it was that he said. Then, he turned the spotlight over to President Barry. In doing so, he shakes his hand and then leans in to him to say something. (When did that trend start? The whole "We're-in-front-of-a-gazillion-people-but-I-feel-the-need-to-say-something-to-you-that's-just-between-the-two-of-us" gesture? I'm not a fan of it. Y'all feel better now that you've got a little secret? Knock it off.) Only this time, the something was barely caught on tape. (Tape? I know there isn't really tape anymore, but what else am I supposed to call it? I can't call it "video". That's just the pictures. Tape. Caught on tape. Tape that isn't really there. Someone's going to have to work on that one.)
There are a lot of things that Joe Biden could have said to President Barry. Lots of them. I can think of many brief congratulatory phrases that he could have said during that "historic" moment. "Congratulations, Mr. President." "Nice job, sir." Lots of them. Lots and lots. But Biden decided to go off the cuff with this one. And what did he say, exactly? Why, he said, "You did it. This is a big f***ing deal." Wait. What now?
Yes! Yes, it is a "big f***ing deal", Mr. Vice President. It's not only a "big f***ing deal", it's a freaking huge, M-effer of a deal. Yes! I believe it's the largest piece of legislation since Social Security was introduced. And there was Joe Biden, smiling ear to ear like he had just gotten a little doggie treat. (I'm sure he could barely contain his little tail from wagging side to side.) And that's what he says. "By the way, Mr. President, I thought I'd just take this opportunity to let you know that this is a big f***ing deal. You also might care to know that I like pie." Seriously, what is wrong with him? Did he expect President Barry to stop dead in his tracks and say, "What's that, Joe? What's a big f***ing deal? This little thing?! Really? In what way?"
The tape (and audio...whatever that's called) is below. You're going to want to turn your speakers up because while he does say it, there's all of the mindless, congratulatory clapping that can drown out his F-bomb if you let it. And look, I don't expect much out of our Vice Presidents. (I do expect them to wear different ties of different days, however. Biden seemed to be fond of sporting the blue star spangled necktie for both the passage and the signing of the bill. Doesn't he have a wife to dress him?) Heck, I don't think that I expect anything out of our Vice Presidents. But I think I do expect them to not state the obvious laced with an expletive whilst passing legislation in front of the entire world. That I'd kind of appreciate. Other than making himself look like a doddering oldster whose brain has been riddled by latter stages of syphilis, it's not a big f***ing deal.
Finally! Finally! The holidays are over! Technically I don't have to speak with or have a meal with another human being until the next major day of nationwide observance which, according to my calculations, might be Groundhog Day. I don't mind the holidays. The alligators in my moat which surrounds my walled off compound kind of freak out my relatives, but other than their needing sedatives rather often, I enjoy them. So many traditions that just keep happening year after year. I embrace consistency like that. I like to know what to expect. You know who else seems to embrace consistency and who else seems to like doing the same thing year after year? Kathy Griffin and her tradition of belting out some sort of expletive or sexually inappropriate reference while hosting some New Year's gala with, of all people, pretty, pretty Anderson Cooper.
Here's the deal: Last year, while hosting the New Year's festivities again with pretty, pretty Anderson Cooper, Kathy was being heckled by none other than, you guessed it, a heckler. And, well, let's just say that she had finally had it with said heckler and she let fly a rather pointed rebuttal when she yelled out to the dude, "Shut up!! Do you know what? Screw you! I'm working! Why don't you get a job, buddy!? I don't go to your job and knock the d**ks out of your mouth." Ah, yes. What a way to welcome in the new year!
But that was last year. I think. Wait. Yes. Yes, it was last year. I was a little confused because Kathy Griffin again hosted the New Year's Eve festivities and she again let her vocabulary fly a little bit off in a direction that I'm sure the FAA will be looking into. It won't be as intense as the scrutiny over Janet Jackson's Nipple-Gate at the Super Bowl that one year, but if she gets the same gig next year, they're really going to have to look into assigning a permanent agent to follow her around or something just to monitor her and her inevitable and predictably unpredictable outbursts. I'm just saying.
So this year, Anderson Cooper, being as how he's a fairly legitimate news reporter and all, decided it would be a good idea to engage Ms. Griffin in a little game of "Who Was Who in the News in 2009". You know, show her some pictures of folks who were prominently in the news (for better or for worse. I'm guessing mostly worse.)...see if she knew who they were. It seems harmless. And if he wasn't doing it with Kathy Griffin, it probably would have been harmless.
First up was a picture of reality show
hopeful asshats Richard and Mayumi Heene who had their kid hide in the attic or somewhere whilst they told the rest of the world that he was flying over a three state area in some sort of mylar balloon thing that the family constructed in the backyard during their spare time. (In spare time at my house growing up, we did yardwork, but whatever.) Ms. Griffin knew exactly who they were and said that she "admired their stick-to-it-tiveness". I hadn't heard it put quite that way before then. They did have stick-to-it-tiveness, didn't they? They would not let go of their lie for what seemed like weeks! OK, fine, kudos for that.
Then Kathy asked Anderson if he followed the story and he said that he did and that his
favorite part was when "Falcon said 'Who the hell is Wolf?' " It was at that moment that Kathy Griffin became a bit confused. It was like Anderson Cooper had suddenly started speaking Chinese or something because she started sputtering words out as if she was hoping to randomly hit upon what it was that he had just said. So she asks him, "Falcon?" And Anderson reiterates, "Falcon Heene." Do you see where this is going? Neither did I.
Even with Anderson's "Falcon Heene" clarification, that didn't seem to clear things up for Kathy Griffin. Nope, instead she continued to question him on what he had said. "Fal....F**kin'....Falcon? How do you say it?" Hoo boy. Nice.
I think that poor ol' closeted Anderson Cooper was having flashbacks of the year before and probably was praying that it wouldn't go any farther. Meanwhile, those of us watching this unfold were praying it would go farther. We wanted it to go really far. We wanted her to continue to act as if she had just been liberated from lifelong deafness and was hearing the spoken word for the very first time. That's what we wanted. Sadly, it didn't go that way.
Anderson acknowledged her "curiosity" by simply bowing his head (likely asking the gods for forgiveness and praying that he either keeps his job or finally loses the New Year's gig) and moving onto the next picture while muttering, "You're terrible...." Good cover, Anderson. I wonder if Kathy will come up with something that clever when she is inevitably asked about it?
Well, in a statement released by her publicist on Friday, she didn't just come up with something that clever; she came up with something more clever. According to the AP, she responded to this incident with the following: "Like every other serious reporter covering the now infamous balloon boy hoax, I struggled to pronounce his name 'Falcon' correctly and have gotten a kick out of how many ways I've heard it pronounced by other serious reporters. Just add me to that list and happy new year!"
It's hard to know where to start with that obviously sarcastic and non-serious statement. There's the hilarious reference to her being a "serious reporter". (Then again, there's the hilarious reference to everyone else who covered that ridiculous story as a "serious reporter" as well.) There's also the implication that she was "covering" the story. She was barely having a conversation, let alone covering anything. But my favorite was the assertion that the name/word/bird "Falcon" is difficult to pronounce. You know, more people had difficulty pronouncing the family's last name of "Heene"
than they did have trouble pronouncing "Falcon". Tell me, just how many ways are there that "Falcon" can be pronounced? Let's see...there's falcon. That's one. And then there's...oh, that's right. THAT'S IT! That's the only way! What else could there be? Fulcrum? You're going to tell me they named their poor child after a lever mechanism? Falco? How into the 80s would his parents have had to be to name him after the one-hit wonder Rock Me Amadeus guy? (Very. Very into the 80s and probably very stoned as well.) Falcon. There's one pronunciation and we all know it. Well, we all know it. Let's just hope that the guys at the FAA don't know it because if CNN gets fined and she gets booted from the New Year's Eve gig then the tradition will never have a chance to properly flourish! And after the year that we just had, we need as much possible flourishment in the upcoming year as we can possibly get. And if it has to be through the means of a raunchy, D-List comedienne dropping a f-bomb at some point during the last night of the year, then so be it.
When a trial comes to a conclusion and the scumbag is found guilty, I am all for the victim's family getting to say something to said scumbag. I'm not overly fond of the scumbag getting to say something, but that's just because of the scumbag factor. I realize it's about fairness. I don't really think it's necessary, but I guess I get it. But really, if you kill someone, I don't give a fat rat's ass what you have to say.
I'm always amazed at the composure of the victim's families. Always. They always seem to have just poise when speaking to the loser who took away someone that they loved. I don't know that I'd be able to be that calm (and I pray to God that I never have to find out). Thus, I really like it when folks kind of let loose a little bit. Sort of like Chandra Levy's mother did when her daughter's killer was sentenced to 60 years in prison.
In case you may not care to remember, Chandra Levy was the intern who was clearly sleeping with California Congressman Gary Condit. And while that was clear, what wasn't clear was how she turned up dead in a park. Granted, a lot of people thought that it was clear and that Condit had killed her. Turns out, not so much. The really unfortunate part, other than the death itself, is that all of the 'not so much' kind of ruined his career. He always looked like a weasel to me. He might not have killed her, but we don't know that he hasn't killed anyone else, really. Do we? OK, we don't. But irresponsible and rampant speculation is really much more fun than the truth, don't you think?
(who the author, a one David Lohr, refers to as a "Salvadoran immigrant", but who is really an "illegal Salvadoran immigrant". See how that's different? Yeah, it's very different. He should not have been in this country. There's a big difference between being a criminal and being an immigrant. Jackwagons. Way to go, AOL News...whatever that means.) was sentenced to 60 years in prison for Chandra Levy's death. And Chandra's mother had something to say to him about it. According to the article, "Before sentencing, Levy's mother, Susan Levy, asked Guandique if he had killed her daughter. When he shook his head, she said: "Mr. Guandique, you are lower than a cockroach. F--- you." Awesome.
