Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Invincible Idiot

I remember having that invincible feeling when I was younger. God, it was great. Not giving a crap about anything you do is a fabulous feeling. The only problem with it in the scenario that I'm describing is that at the time that you're doing it, you don't know how great it is to feel so invincible. You just feel that way because you don't know any other way to feel. You're under the impression that nothing bad will happen to you no matter what you do. And that includes jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge when you're on a field trip. Wait. What now?

Apparently, according to KTVU, "...a male student from Windsor High School in Sonoma County leaped from the bridge at approximately 11:15 a.m. Approximately 45 students and two teachers were at the bridge for the school field trip". OK, then. That's a really stupid thing to do on many levels. Level One, more than 9 times out of 10, you're going to die. Level Two...well, I think that Level One really covers all we need to know here. The most likely outcome (even though that miraculously was not the case this time) is that you're going to be dead moments after you step off of the bridge. How this kid was able to swim away and then walk away practically unscathed is beyond me.

After he made it to the shore with the help of some surfers (a couple of whom this dipwad almost landed on when he jumped) "The student told paramedics that he's a recreational bridge jumper, and has done stunts like this before". What the what is a 'recreational bridge jumper'? Is that just another word for a 17-year old idiot who just took a plunge into the San Francisco Bay? Is that opposed to a professional bridge jumper? What sort of profession is that? How often are those sorts of services needed? I'm guessing not often, but that's probably only due to the incredibly low levels of intelligence if this guy is any indication of those who participate.

And the stunts that he claims to have done before, were they also on field trips with his school? 45 kids and two teachers and this guy still manages to climb over all of the obstacles that they put up in hopes of stopping the unstoppable? Of course. He's a 17-year old. Not only do they feel invincible, they're remarkably determined at performing the inadvisable. But if you're thinking that this was a dare, oh no, think again. See, "Students said they wanted to make it known that no one dared the student to jump or egged him on." Uh-huh.

Do they really think that we're dumb enough to believe that? You have got to be kidding me. The only question is whether more kids dared him to than didn't dare him to. (And if there was going to be a second question, it would be whether or not either of the teachers participated in any of the daring. I'm not implying that they did. I'm just curious.) "We would never encourage that," said a student who likely did just that. Yeah, right. I'm not saying that they're to blame. No, that responsibility lies squarely on the wet, wet shoulders of the moron who actually jumped. I'm just saying that anyone who says that they would never encourage something, especially trying to get a classmate to jump off of a bridge, is not the most truthful individual you're ever going to run across.

I'm not sure what sort of notoriety this stunt is going to bring the kid at school. He's either going to be hailed as the new king of the village or shunned as the new village idiot. (Well, as another village idiot. There are a lot of openings for idiots when you're in high school.) The student under mental observation for a short time after being 'rescued', but I don't know what they're going to find out other than he's 17 and has balls the size of coconuts. But I'm sure that he'll be making the media rounds in a little while here, so we'll get to hear first hand what this moron has to say about all of recreational bridge jumping activities. Makes me kind of glad we're going to be hearing about that tsunami for a while.

I know this much, though: If this little stunt makes it so that the debate about having better barriers on the Golden Gate Bridge is reignited, I'M going to jump off of the bridge. It doesn't need more suicide barriers. If people want to kill themselves by jumping off of the bridge, that's their decision. Land of the free. Remember? Sure, it's sad. Suicide usually is. But do you know what is even sadder? Trying to idiot-proof everything in society in the quest to achieve the impossible goal of trying to make everything safe and sound for everyone all of the time. And even sadder than that (if you can imagine something being sadder)? That's right. Trying to use my tax money to pay for it. Sad, sad, sad.

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