Wacky Things I Read Today

Lots of weird things that were masquerading as news headlines today. Here's a sampling:

From Fox News: "Mario Bello Feels 'Really Sad' for Rush Limbaugh After His Haiti Comments". Now, if you're like me (and who's to say that you're not since you're reading this after all), you read that and your first thought was "Who?" Apparently (and this shouldn't surprise you) she's an actress. I actually remember her from a stint she did as one of the main characters on ER a bunch of years ago. But that's all I remember her from (and that's only because she's hot). Why is Fox News giving substantial space on its website about the opinion of Mario Bello? I'm not sure. It would appear that she's done a lot of work with an organization called Artists for Peace and that seems to have to do with Haiti, but other than that, I'm not sure why we're supposed to care. Perhaps the link that they included: www.artistsforpeaceandjustice.com.

From People Magazine: "Robin Wright's New Role: The Face of Gerard Darel". Again, I say to you, "Who?" Not Robin Wright. I know who Robin Wright is. She's the really hot, soon to be ex-wife of a one Sean Penn (the ex-Mr. Madonna). But apparently, she also "...debuted this week as the latest and surprising new face of French leather goods manufacturer Gerard Darel." Oh, thank God! FINALLY! Someone to bring a new face to the French leather goods manufacturer Gerard Darel! I was so tired of the old faces of the French leather goods manufacturer Gerard Darel! This really is progress, is it not?! Um, really? I don't know. WTH?

Now, when Nancy O'Dell abruptly quit her Access Hollywood gig that she had been doing for years, I'm sure that some of you were thinking, "I wonder what she'll do next!" That's what some of you were thinking. The rest of you were thinking "Who the hell is Nancy O'Dell?" But regardless of what you thought she would do or wouldn't do or had done, I don't know that any of us could have seen this coming. Again, from the wonder that is People Magazine, we learn "Nancy O'Dell to Start Line of Outdoor Furniture." Um, what now?

Outdoor furniture? You mean patio chairs? Lawn chairs? Croquet? Oh, wait. That's not furniture. At least, I hope you're not using it for furniture. But never mind what is or is not patio furniture, why in the world is Nancy O'Dell designing it and should we give a crap about it? I don't think that we do! It's not like I'm going to choose a Nancy O'Dell lawn chair over a...uh....(Psst! Quick! I need the name of another person who designs lawn chairs! Hurry! What's that? NO ONE knows the name of ANYONE who designs lawn chairs?!) Look, the point is that it's weird that People Magazine makes it out to be like this is something that people have been clamoring for. There's been nor clamor, nor will there ever be any clamor. It will be clamorless.

It must have been a slow day at People because they are just bursting with all kinds of crap today, including that "Chelsea Clinton Is Spinning for Haiti". According to the article, Chelsea is a regular at SoulCycle in Manhattan and she sent out a flyer or a note or some sort of blurb informing people that she and two other people that you've never heard of will be hosting a 90-minute Spin-A-Thon (if you will) in order to raise money for the folks over their in the Haitian rubble. In case you were wondering, "spinning" is the new fancy schmancy term for "riding a stationary bike". Front row bikes for this event are $1000 and 2nd row bikes are $500. All other bikes are $100. If this is something you're interested in, for God's sake, keep it to yourself and head on over there. I'm assuming space is limited or something like that. So if you want to pay a thousand bucks to ride on a stationary bike next to Chelsea Clinton, you'd better get crackin'.

From the huffy folks over at The Huffington Post, we get a glimpse of what it would be like to really tell your spouse "F-you", as we read that "Dennis Hopper, who is reportedly facing his 'final days surrounded by family and friends,' filed for divorce yesterday from his wife of 14 years, Victoria Hopper". Ah, yes. Nothing says "I hate you and do not want to go to my imminent grave still married to you" like filing for deathbed divorce. You must really despise someone if, in your final moments, one of the things that you find it necessary to tend to is filing divorce papers. Wow. (By the way, I really like Dennis Hopper and I'm sad that he's that's sick.)

Still at The Huffington Post, we have Jessica Simpson quoted as saying "I Almost Puked Next To Skinny Models". Well, good thing she didn't. Even if she had, it's not like she would have been alone. From what I hear, there's a whole lot of puking that goes on in the modeling world.

And finally, from the folks across the pond at The Guardian, we get to hear all about how the Mr. Gay China Pageant was cancelled. Actually, we get to hear more about how life is for a few of the eight (yes, eight) contestants. One contestant, a one Steve Zhang (really? Steve?) was explaining how when you come out to relatives, they really don't want to believe you. He said, "When I finally told my uncle I had a boyfriend he wasn't surprised but said, 'Well, that's not a long term thing." (Now, you can I both know that there is a pun in there somewhere.) And Steve also added. "They think having fun with boys doesn't mean you love them; you will still get married in the end." Um, well, I'm sure that there's something that's going to happen "in the end", but I don't think that it's going to be marriage. Maybe that uncle should see what happens "in the end" so that he'll know that it isn't marriage. I guarantee you, he'll be rather surprised about what does happen "in the end".