Reasons To Wear A Helmet When Protesting

If you're going to riot and try to overthrow a government, you'd better be prepared. Sure, you get there with a full head of steam and that's a good start. But you've really got to bring your A-game. Er, your A-riot. You also have to bring your rioting stuff. Aka, your gear or your equipment. From what I can tell, over there in Egypt, that would amount to a lot of rocks. After you have your gear, there's a procedure that you must follow. You're going to take your rocks and you're going to throw them. Got it? Good. Now, while you're throwing said rocks amongst the unsaid chaos that is erupting, your goal will be two-fold. Fold One: Try to get your rock to hit whatever the target that you have determined is. Fold Two: Try not to get hit with rocks from other people on the opposing side who are doing the same thing that you're doing, only in reverse. And in order to best accomplish Fold Two, you're going to need a helmet. Good luck finding a real helmet in Egypt. It's not like they sell them at the Camel Feed n' Fuel. You're going to have to improvise. And it just so happens that I found some pictures over there at LIFE that will give you some good idea for said improvisation. It will also give you some ideas of what not do to. Let's begin.

This man has put a large mushroom on his head. That is not going to work at all. On top of that, he looks ridiculous. No one can take a rioter seriously if they look like a moron. I don't even know what he thinks that is going to do for his dome. It's not going to do much, I'll tell you that right now. Is it an Egyptian sombrero? I don't think anyone really knows. Cool shades, though. Those will help. Or not.

This nitwit with the traffic cone on his melon isn't going to fare much better. I will concede that it is better than nothing. But wouldn't you think that wearing a bright orange cone on your head is kind of just asking to be made into a target? If you have to aim for something, aim for the cone. Not a good idea if you're really trying to avoid cranial damage.

Next up, the sauce pot. "Hey, Jim! How big is your head?" "I'm not sure." "Well, do you think you could fit it into a six-quart pot?" "I don't know. Do you have an eight-quart pot?" "I do, but I think that will be too big." "Don't worry. I'll shove some cloth napkins in it so it will fit snugly and then I'll tie it to my melon with a necktie." "Oh, OK. I'm glad you've give this some thought. I'm going to wear the colander." "OK. Now let's get ready to rumble!" (By the way, if anyone can tell me what he has written on his pot, I would be very appreciative. And all of you yay-hoos who are going to tell me it says something like "Bring to a boil before adding pasta" can just save it!)
There might not be a more versatile item than the plastic milk crate. It is milk crates that allowed me to decorate my first few abodes in the style of "Early Dorm Room". They made for great bookshelves and they helped support the planks of wood that would serve as the TV stand. And not only can they be furniture, they can also be protective headwear. Who knew? (And while I also used cinder blocks in place of the milk crates from time to time, they would not have been near as effective as a helmet as the milk crates appear to be.)

The protester below is on the right track with his or her impromptu helmet-izing. The mesh metal front seems like an excellent idea to protect your fact. Whatever there is on the top, however, does not seem adequate at all. It looks to be like a dishtowel and a piece of cardboard. Well, that's not going to do much when a rock lands on you. Nope. Not much at all. But if you're getting rocks thrown directly at you, this seems like it might be of some use. It also has a sort of medieval look to it that I really enjoy.

This person is a moron. What does he think that little piece of cardboard is going to do? Keep the sun out of his eyes? Maybe he has already been hit in the head and that is why he thinks that what he is doing will effectively protect his noggin. News flash: It won't. He'll be knocked unconscious by the first piece of rugged concrete to rain down upon him. He really needs to hook up with milk crate guy or sauce pot head.

This guy isn't going to get much more protection than the corrugated warrior seen above. He appears to have stolen the lid from Oscar the Grouch's trash can and is using it as protection. I fear for him and his cranium. I hope his hand-eye coordination is good. He's going to need it.

At least those guys are trying to protect themselves. Because you know what happens when you don't try to protect yourself and you go wading right out into the middle of a protest? You end up like this guy:

Yipes. That's all for today, kids! And remember, wear a helmet!

Egyptian Protest Signage Glory

My love of protest signs is not limited to just those nutty ones here in the United States. No, I'm all for a good protest sign no matter where it is. And in Egypt, where they are actually having a protest that means something (as opposed to the "protests" that we see in the US where a bunch of people shout non-sensicals at each other for a few hours and then go home to watch American Idol), there are some great signs. The best part (well, for me) is that the majority of the signs appear to be written in English. I can't quite narrow it down to whether that is because not a lot of the Egyptians can read/write Arabic or because they want the rest of the world to know what they're saying. Whatever it is, I appreciate all of the English over there in spite of all of the turmoil. Let's take a look at some of them. Please note that some of these guys really seemed to put some time and effort into their signage. Unlike the yo-yos over here who protest the "public option" in the health care bill by sporting a sign announcing their disapproval of the "pubic option". Yeah, that doesn't help anyone, really.

The one below is interesting to me. On the one hand, the woman protesting does not like Murbarak and wants him out. On the other hand, the woman protesting is still wearing the full beekeeper's uniform. What's up with that? You'd think that she'd be done with that sort of oppression as well. But nope! She's not. Good for her for getting out there, though. I know that I should just be happy that she's at least doing that, but it's hard to be happy for anyone when they're in the full beekeeper's outfit. She might not end up with an repressed country (albeit, that is unlikely), but she'll still be repressed in her own home. I find that sad. And annoying.

I like this guy's sign. It's on a peaceful mauve-ish background and he looks just as peaceful. He spells out his disgruntled-ness very clearly and backs it up with numbers. It's nice. I enjoy a bit of forethought in a sign.

I'm also a big fan of a simple message. The one below doesn't get any simpler. Two words. Beautifully said. (Do you think that Murbarak has ever played a video game? For some reason, I don't think that he has. Regardless, it's not like the message won't translate because it does. It says "Get out" very clearly.) No sense in mincing words when you've got a revolution on your hands.

And I like a simple message. Like this next one. Even though he seemingly spelled 'Murbarak' wrong, I'm going to give him a pass. After all, the turmoil over there is insane. He might have been in a hurry or something. But unlike 'public option' as opposed to 'pubic option', we all still know what he means.

I had noticed that Mubarak has a rather cartoonish look to him. Fortunately, this observation was not solely wasted on just me. Other people have apparently noticed it as well. The guy below Incorporated it into his simple, but most excellent sign.

I have no idea what so ever what the sign below is supposed to mean. That's the cow from the little delicious cheeses, isn't it? The Laughing Cow? Why is he on a Murbarak protest sign? Is there a Mubarak-cheese correlation? Mubarak and cows? They want cheese, but Murbarak does not? The cows he lets them have don't make cheese? OK, I'm totally surmising all of these points. I have no clue as to what that's about. I also don't know why that guy's head is so big, either. Seriously, it's gigantic. Maybe after all of the protesting, he can go and have that looked at. He's going to topple over one of these days from the weight of his enormous dome.

There are also a lot of really small signs. And since I doubt that the signs themselves do any good, I guess a small sign is better than no sign at all, right? Maybe? I think that was rhetorical. Let's look at some small signs like this one:

Or this one:

Or even this one:

All rather small. All with a common theme. That is, all want Mubarak to get out. And why? I think this guy below sums it up fairly well. (And we all get to forgive his misspelling of 'criminal' as he seems to have taken quite the blow to the noggin there. If you're bleeding from your head, you can spell stuff anyway that you'd like, OK? OK.)

And hey! Look! At Hitler reference! I thought we were the only ones who made such ridiculous comparisons! I guess not. I guess that no matter where you are or what you're protesting, a protest just isn't a protest without a Hitler comparison! Behold!

Hmm. Who does he look like in that picture? Someone. Alec Baldwin? No. No, that's not it. He looks like someone. (Someone else, you smart alec!) If you figure out who he looks like, please let me know. In the meantime, I'd like to have the guy with the sign below be the one who sums up why all of the uprising is going on. He's there and I'm not and I think that he says it a lot clearer and a lot simpler than the majority of analysts and pundits are trying to.

Yep. People really hate you. Now what say you just step down and hop on your jet and live out the rest of your years in ill-begotten luxury somewhere else, all right? OK, thanks. Bye.

Riot Like An Egyptian

Well. It's going DOWN in Egypt. The proverbial poo has hit the proverbial fan and it is chaos over yonder in Cairo. And while I don't want to oversimplify the whole ordeal, I do want to point a couple of things out.

First, I'm not pro-dictatorship. Dictators are really bossy. I don't like it when someone thinks that they're the boss of me, so I have to imagine that the Egyptians aren't all that keen on it either. But we're talking about one of the Sand Lands. So, you know what could be the alternative to the current government? That's right. A government that is based on Islamic Fundamentalism. That would not be good for our relations with Egypt. It certainly wouldn't bode well for Israel. They're already worried that Iran is going to get all froggy and do something. I can't imagine that they'd be real thrilled about having to watch their backs for the same sort of behavior from the Egyptians. Just remember, different doesn't always mean better. While getting rid of a dictator sounds like a good idea, it's not like they're going to end up with a democracy that is identical to that of the United States'.

That brings me to my second point. If you think that this is going to happen overnight, you're wrong. Please remember that after the uprising in Tunisia, they had three different presidents in ONE DAY! (Imagine their State of the Union addresses! "Are you better off than you were at lunchtime?") Even if the current government is overthrown, it will likely be YEARS before there is anything overly functional over there. Again, it certainly isn't going to end up looking like the United States. I totally get that all of those folks who think that the United States is so freaking great could not possibly understand why other countries would not want to mold their government in an exact mirror image of what we have going on over here. I get that. I just don't know how to explain to them that it's not true. A lot of those Sand Lands are ruled by religion (and not always in a good way). Have we learned nothing from what went down in Iraq? Apparently not. Morons.

And finally, while I'm all in favor of a nice revolution, you know what I'm not in favor of? I'm not so much in favor of the asshats that look at a time of political unrest as a justification to start looting stuff. People who are out there stealing stuff don't seem to have as much of an interest in overthrowing the government as much as they do getting a new TV for free. Same goes with looting the museums and ripping the heads off of the mummies. No one wants to see that and it perplexes me as to why someone would do that. The merchants of Egypt have little to do with the dictatorship. And I'm pretty sure that the mummies are completely blameless. So stop breaking their windows and stealing their stuff. And leave the dead guy's dome in tact, would you? You folks want to rain down your disgruntledness (it's a word) on the palaces and things like that? Have at it. Burn them to the ground if you want to (just don't tell anyone that I said it was OK). But try and stay focused, rebels. You've got a job to do. You can't carry out a thorough and effective ousting if you're running through the streets of Cairo with a flat screen TV that you just swiped from the Kwik-E-Mart. Focus, people. Focus!

Leave Arizona Alone!

I'm so confused by the reaction to this immigration status law that passed in Arizona that I really don't know what to think anymore. I have been completely surprised at the majority of the reactions that I've been hearing. I've even had at least one really close friend join some dumbass anti-racism group on freaking Facebook protesting this law. And this is a person who is extremely educated and extremely sane. I'm completely blown away. Let's review a couple of things, shall we?

If you're in this country illegally, you're breaking the law. Period. There's no way around this fact. To say that "most" of the illegals are law-abiding individuals is completely false. They're breaking the law by being here illegally. That's not law-abiding.

From New American, we learn that Phoenix has averaged a kidnapping a day in recent years, the AP reports, with some resulting in torture and death. A kidnapping per day? Really? Yep. Many of these kidnappings are fueled by the illegal drug trade which has wandered its way across the border and into Phoenix. And that makes Phoenix the kidnapping capital of the United States. U-S-A! U-S-A!!

Now, if you just listen to East Cost media, you'll think that there is no one in the country, sans Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, who is in favor of this new law. Not quite. A Rasmussen Reports telephone survey showed that "...70% of likely voters in Arizona approve of the legislation, while just 23% oppose it." Seventy percent of the people IN the state where the law is are just fine and dandy with it. (I'd really like to know what is up with the other 7% that weren't represented by a yes or a no answer. Who can't answer yes or no to a simple question like that?) Why is that figure not reported more often? Because that wouldn't fit the narrative of what the media wants you to believe.

Granted, that's just the voters in Arizona. What about the rest of the country? Well, again, according to a Rasmussen Reports telephone survey, when people were asked "Do you favor or oppose legislation that authorizes local police to stop and verify the immigration status of anyone they suspect of being an illegal immigrant?" 60% of them said that they were in FAVOR of it. Only 31% said that they opposed it and the rest said that they weren't sure. Even with the sampling error of +/- 3%, that's still a majority of 57% in favor of it at the very least. And that's nationwide.

The next person who is within an arm's length of me that says "We're a nation of immigrants" is going to get punched. I'm going to point out again that when this great nation was being built, it's not like just anyone was allowed to come in. At the whole Ellis Island checkpoint thing, they checked to make sure you had either money, a job, or relatives over here. THEN they asked you a series of 29 questions. I'm pretty sure that there was some sort of health screening involved. The point here is that they did not let people just wander on over simply because they wanted to!

Next in line of people that I'd like to punch would be anyone suggesting any sort of a boycott of anything having to do with Arizona. I've mentioned this before, but because of the number of softheads that have crawled out of the woodwork (as they so often do when needed legislation is passed) I'm going to mention it again. Boycotts rarely work. I can cite the Montgomery bus boycott as an effective boycott that took place in this country. I am hard pressed to come up with another one, probably because there aren't any. Getting a boycott to actually accomplish something is extremely difficult. The main problem is having enough people all on the same page. Do you think that you can get anyone in the year 2010 to be on the same page as someone else? Highly unlikely. While you're explaining which page to go to, they're updating their Facebook. It's a lost cause.

But here's the most ridiculous idea for a boycott against Arizona that I have heard so far. According to the huffy folks over at the Huffington Post, "An initiative apparently started on the Internet asks people to boycott the AriZona Beverage Co. because of claims the law will unfairly target Hispanics." Wait. What now?

They want people to stop buying AriZona Iced Tea products? Look, the stuff isn't that great to begin with, but that's not the point. The point is that it's only A NAME! You nimrods! AriZona Beverage Co. is based in Woodbury, 20 miles east of New York City! According to the article "Chairman Don Vultaggio says it was started by "two hardworking guys from Brooklyn" in 1992 and has always been in New York." Good Lord....

This is how some people are choosing to make a statement? By not buying cold beverages from a company that has nothing to do with the law OR the state? Are you the type of people who tell people not to ever buy sheets from bedding manufacturers because you're against the Ku Klux Klan? (They still use the sheets, right? That's still a Klan staple? I'm really not sure. I've never been real up on my Klan references. And these days, when you're looking to make a racist analogy, everyone automatically reaches for Hitler, so I'm a little fuzzy on the Klan. But I'm sure you understand my point.) Are you people going to boycott the NFL's Arizona Cardinals? What about the Arizona Diamondbacks? Are the Phoenix Suns out as well? Seriously, what is wrong with you?

This law wasn't something that was just thought up and passed overnight. No, it was passed because there was a need for it. It was a need that the Federal government refused to address. Governor Brewer had written at least FIVE letters over the past two years (so those of you that want to blame Bush for everything, make sure that you realize that President Barry ignored her letters, too) to the White House explaining that they needed some help to combat the illegal immigration problem that was occurring in Arizona. She never received a reply. Not ONE. Just completely ignored. If the Federal government wasn't going to do the job that it is supposed to do, then Arizona was going to take care of itself. And I'm glad that it did. Come on, California. Stop being such a wuss and do the same thing.

Tea Party Photo Goodness

Yesterday was tax day here in the US. And as one could expect, there were Tea Party protests/rallies/demonstrations across the country. They were entertaining, but not as entertaining as the health care protests last summer were. Now those were something. One of the main differences that I've noticed is that the Tea Party folks, for the most part, can spell. That doesn't mean they know what they're talking about, but it is concerting that they have a grasp of the basics. That being said, let's take a look at some signs and scenes from yesterday, shall we?

Here we have a child being made to hold a sign that is supposed to represent her feelings. The sign reads "Obama took my toof fairy money!" He apparently also took the forward facing Fs, Rs and Es, as well as the TH sound.

That wasn't the only sign wielding child out yesterday. Here's another one. Um, honey? I'm not so sure that you want to be part of a "tea bagger family". Tea party family, perhaps. But I think that being a "tea bagger family" is probably illegal. Definitely off-putting.

I appreciated the originality of the Tea Party Mobile or whatever you want to call it below. I like how there's just a little bit of everything thrown in there. Jesus. Truth. Insanity. Disaster. Lies. Taxes. Pork. Health care. Right. Wrong. Repent. Perverts. Wait. Perverts? Yep. Over there on the left. Next to Pork. Perverts. OK. I'm against perverts. Nice. Thanks.

This was one of the very few misspelled signs that were out there. The sign to the left of it was one of the most all inclusive signs out there.

It wouldn't be a protest in America without some nutjob questioning President Barry's citizenship. What is wrong with you people?

Where's the birth certificate? It's on the Internet, nutjob. And yes, it's real. For cryin' out loud.

And along those same lines, it just wouldn't be a protest without someone making the Obama-Osama comparison. Yes, we know. They sound a lot alike. Adolf and Rudolph sound a lot alike as well, but you don't hear folks comparing that little reindeer fellow to Hitler, now, do you?

Ahh. Go back to Kenya. Lovely. You're not doing a lot to add credibility to your cause, but you do make me laugh, so that's something. By the way, HE'S NOT FROM KENYA! Morons.

And here we have a little birther action combined with a little "In Living Color" action. Interesting combo to say the least.

Why bother with multiple signs when you can just cram it all onto one piece of poster board. The problem with it is that they're really only taking a stand against two of those things. They don't want the fascism or the socialism and they seem to think that the Obamacare sucks. Other than that, they're just sort of stating issues. Oh, how I only wish they had stated what "ALIAN CARE" was exactly and why it is illegal.

I've got feathers and a pitchfork. I also have torches and axe handles if you need some of those as well, sir.

And finally, we have these folks. The one, dressed like a priest (I think) is proclaiming that God hates taxes. I don't know why God would care about taxes. God doesn't pay taxes. But that's not really what I'm focused on here. I'm focused on what in the hell that is over to the right of that dude! It's like one of those guys from the cantina in Star Wars wearing some sort of mossy coat and trousers. It's odd and I have no idea what it has to do with tax protests. And I'm dying to know what brochure he's holding.