The Sad Cheater

Tiger Woods is just completely void of any human emotions, isn't he? Well, wait. Is horny an emotion? What about jackassery? OK, if those two count, then he has two human emotions. But if they don't, then he's just a freaking robot. A lying, cheating, home-wrecking, whore-loving, freaking robot.

Elin's divorce from Tiger was finalized a couple of days ago. Immediately afterward, People magazine announced that she had done an interview with them. There don't seem to be any huge revelations in the interview, just more of what we had all pretty much surmised. After all, how many ways are there to feel when you find out that your husband is a scumbag who has cheated on you with every porn star he could find? Not many ways that people aren't going to be familiar with, that's what I'm guessing.

And naturally, Tiger felt the need to address the issue in the only way that he seems to know how. That is, without any sort of feeling or emotion being expressed and by completely minimizing the entire situation. Here's what he had to say at a press conference at The Barclays golf tournament in New Jersey, according to People Magazine:

"It's a sad time in our lives. And we're looking forward to how we can help our kids the best way we possibly can. And that's the most important thing." Um, are you kidding me? It's a sad time? SAD? I don't know if sad is the word that I would choose. It's so minimal, considering that he slept with every whore out there (and even a few whores in there). I'm also taking issue with how the most important thing is his kids. Hey, Tiger! If the most important things were your kids while you were still married, perhaps you would have been such a man-whore and been doing the Perkins waitress! What a buffoon.

He didn't stop there with his hollow statements. "Asked if he was "relieved" with the split, Woods paused. "I don't think that's the word...I think it's just more sadness. Because I don't think you ever – you don't ever go into a marriage looking to get divorced. That's the thing. That's why it is sad." Good Lord, sir. Does he not understand that this isn't something that has happened to him?! It's not like you just suddenly found yourself divorced, you cheater! And you're right! No one expects what you bestowed upon your completely clueless and rather hot Swedish wife! Did you go into the marriage expecting to never get caught, cheater? He's so in love with himself, he probably did.

He did semi-allude to this possibly being his fault when he said, "My actions certainly led us to this decision...And I've certainly made a lot of errors in my life and that's something I'm going to have to live with." Once again, it's all about him. You know who else has to live with your "errors", you cheater? Your now ex-wife AND your children! And I don't know that they're going to grow up thinking that their father made some simple "errors" and that's why mom and dad divorced before they had even entered kindergarten. Cheater.

And in his final statement (for now) of completely not accepting responsibility OR reality, he said, "I certainly understand that she is sad...And I feel the same way." Oh, my God. Really? Really, cheater? I don't know that sad is a completely accurate description of how she is feeling. Betrayed? Lied to? Cheated on? Humiliated? Embarrassed? Duped? Deceived? I think she feels all of those in addition to being sad! And if Tiger does feel sad, it's simply because he got caught. Cheater. Are you going to dig up your dad's ol' bones again to ease some of your pain? Cheater.

Keep Your Second Wife OFF Of Facebook

There's dumb and then there's just asinine. But what is it when you've gone past dumb and past asinine? Are you just so incapable of understanding anything at all and how it works that there isn't really a name for it? Or is the word that I'm looking for as simple as "idiot" or "moron"? It probably is, but this just seems like it require just a little bit more than either one of those. It's almost like the don't do the story justice, especially when the story is how a woman found out through Facebook that her husband had another wife. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to WKYC in Cleveland, the woman, "Megan" as she preferred to be called for the story because she didn't want her real name used (nor did she want her humiliation to be spread far and wide and directly attributed to her), married her husband in 2005 in a ceremony in Italy. (I have no idea why WKYC thought that was relevant to the story, but they included it and so I did the same. If only they had questioned the relevance as I had, they might not have felt the need to include it at all.) After that "She knew her husband took a lot of business trips. Now she knows why." And while that's not entirely accurate (it's not like he was really on business trips, WKYC. Try to pay attention, would you?), his being gone a lot was explained when "Her relatives pointed her to the other woman's Facebook page where Megan discovered multiple photos of her husband and the woman together." Oh. Whoops.

Yeah. Whoops. Now, it's not like "Megan" didn't have some questions about what was going on in their marriage. "Megan said she first became suspicious when her husband claimed to have been in China and even brought back gifts for the kids yet his passport had been at home the entire time." It's unfortunate that the story doesn't delve more into how that was deal with in Megan's household. It seems a little difficult to explain, as that passport for international travel is pretty necessary. (Unless you're going to the United States, in which case just come on in like millions of other folks do every year.) But the media is crap these days, so what did I really expect?

I'll tell you what I expected. I expected people to be a little more discerning about what goes on their freaking Facebook page. But I guess this sort of thing happens all the time. What a weak act you people are. Seriously. You don't have the guts to just leave someone or to tell them that you're leaving? Instead, you leave it up to them to "accidentally" find out through pictures that were posted on Facebook? Seriously. Would you not know that there are people on your Facebook who are relatives or friends with the one of the other people involved in this and who will be seeing what is on your Facebook page? Or that of the whore that you're sleeping with? What is wrong with you people?

And it's not like just having the affair and having those pictures posted was enough for this guy and his extramarital bimbo. No, "A few weeks later, dozens of wedding photos also showed up on Facebook showing Megan's husband and his new bride." Dude. You're already married. You think that isn't going to come out at some point? Let me rephrase that, you moron. You think that this isn't going to come out at some point AFTER pictures of your SECOND wedding are posted on Facebook while you're still MARRIED? How can one be so dense and yet somehow manage to keep themselves alive through adulthood? It's a mystery.

Naturally, Megan wants a divorce. Her husband, not being all that bright to begin with, says "he doesn't believe he needs a divorce because he learned after the fact that the marriage paperwork was never filed correctly in Italy and therefor they were never married." Tell you what. How about if you don't get a divorce, but you let Megan go all Lorena Bobbit on you? That seems fair.

Look, I don't know about you, but I cannot imagine having an affair if I was in a relationship, let alone if I were married. It sounds simply awful to me. Not because of the deceit that is obviously present when something like that is going on, but because of the effort. It sounds positively exhausting. Trying to keep stories straight, trying to keep lies straight, trying not to get caught, trying to keep everyone happy, etc. Good Lord, why on earth would anyone voluntarily enter into such a mess? And this guy got MARRIED. TWO wives! Isn't one wife enough?! Isn't one wife plenty?! Isn't one wife more than enough on some days?

No Divorce For You!

Slowly, but surely, the government is injecting itself into almost every aspect of our lives. How we do things. When we do things. Why we do things. When did the American people suddenly become so incompetent that they couldn't make a decision on their own? I don't know either, but if we're not careful, we're not going to be able to decide when we want to get divorced if we live in Arizona. Wait. What?

Correct. According to the azdailysun.com, a one Rep. Nancy Barto (R-Phoenix) has sponsored a one bill HB 2650 which basically makes couples who want to divorce wait four months longer than they already have to wait. See, her theory is "....that requiring couples to wait 180 days will result in more people deciding they actually should stay together." Um...why?

She claims that in states where there is a longer waiting period, the divorce rate per 1,000 is 3.6 whereas in not-thinking-things-through-long-enough Arizona, the divorce rate per 1,000 is 3.9. OK, so that may be true. But thank goodness for Rep. Phil Lopes (D-Tucson), who piped up and said that what she's doing is that she's "...confusing correlation with actual causation". He also said that despite the statistics that "...there is no hard evidence that delays in granting divorce decrees actually keep couples happily married." And do you know what Rep. Barto had to say to that? You guessed it. She agreed with him. Wait. What?!

She agreed. There's no hard evidence that making people stay married longer when they're already expressed a desire to get divorced is going to actually make them decide to stay married. And Rep. Balto has been warned by a one Colleen McNally, a presiding family court judge for Maricopa County said "...that stretching out the process actually could be dangerous...domestic violence attacks actually increase the moment a spouse tries to get out of an abusive marriage." Yeah, see, I think that would be a problem. If you're forced to stay in a marriage and endure some beatings for an extra four months, that's not going to help the situation.

Adding to the ridiculousness of this idea (because you know there are supporters of it out there) are people like Deborah Sheasby, a despicable lobbyist. (I think all lobbyists are despicable, so it's not like I'm singling her out for anything, I just don't like lobbyists.) She claimed "...that in about four out of every five divorce cases, one spouse does not want out of the marriage." Yes, but see, that's why the marriage has to end! Because, in case you were absent on the day when we went over what a marriage entails, it would seem that both people need to want to be IN the marriage in order for it to be successful. Just because only ONE person wants to stay married is not really a very good reason in favor of the whole staying married idea. It's actually more of an argument for why they should get divorced.

Look, even though you can technically be granted a divorce in Arizona in as little as 60 days, that doesn't mean it's going to happen. The 60 days scenario is the "best case" scenario. If there is any negotiation, if there is any discrepancy as to who should get what, if there are children and/or property involved, or any number of other factors, you are not going to be fully divorced after the minimum 60 days has passed. Do the people that propose asinine legislation like this not see where the problem lies? I guess not. Perhaps I'll share it with them.

How about this idea instead: How about instead of making it so damn difficult for people to get divorced, why don't you make it a little more difficult for them to get married? Why is it so easy to get INTO something that is likely going to end up being the most life-altering decision that you can possibly make? Shouldn't that require a little bit more thought? Shouldn't that require a little bit more time to ponder and to plan for? How about this idea: People who go through pre-marital counseling BEFORE they get married get some sort of a tax break? People who are married and take some sort of marriage-stayin'-together class every other year get some sort of a tax break? I don't know. I'm just throwing stuff out there. It could be that requiring folks to wait before getting married is just as dumb as making folks wait before getting divorced, but I'm not so sure that it is.

If I thought that it were possible, I'd just say that the government needs to butt out of marriage all together. But since I know that's never going to happen (revenue, doncha know?), it makes more sense to me to have a longer waiting period before getting married than it does to have a longer waiting period to get divorced. I guess since it makes sense, that'll never happen either. Shame, too. I kinda thought I was onto something.