Dan Wacky-royd

Well, add Dan Aykroyd to the list of wacky celebrities. Wacky celebrities with wacky ideas that they share with the world via centarian Larry King on CNN.

Now, I don't know why Dan Aykroyd was on Larry King. I can't possibly imagine what the topic was. And it's not like I would trust CNN to tell me at this point anyway. For cryin' out loud, their captioning guy can't even spell "consultant" correctly. Behold!

"Consulatant". Great. Anyway, if spelling were the wackiest thing that was going on here, I'd consider all of us quite lucky. But it's not. Nope. Not even close. From what I can tell, Dan was asked about what he thinks about aliens and whether or not they have visited this planet. Please note that considering the caption says that he is a "consulatant" for something called the "Mutual UFO Network", it's a pretty safe bet that he's going to be pro-alien in this instance.

But what IS the Mutual UFO Network you ask before I can get to the kooky talk? Well, according to their website, "Founded in 1969, the Mutual UFO Network, Inc. (MUFON) is a nonprofit corporation dedicated, through its volunteers, to resolving the scientific enigma known collectively as unidentified flying objects (UFOs)." Hmmm. Now, look, it would be rather egotistical (I think) for one to think that planet Earth is the ONLY planet in this ridiculously huge solar system that has intelligent life. I'm good with that. But it's when people start talking all crazy about it that it starts sounding just completely nuts. Kinda like Dan Aykroyd did.

Just like I can't quite surmise why Dan Aykroyd was on Larry King, I can't possibly guess as to what he was asked that would make him give this rambling diatribe:

"They only land in isolated places. They have taken people, I believe. They do have technology. Lord Hill Norton of the, uh, British Defense Staff said that he believed 23 people, er, 23 different species are coming because they don't want anything to do with us. I don't think we will ever have a formal relationship, a formal contact with any alien species out there. Especially after 9/11 when we broke our toys in the sandbox. If they were observing that, goodbye human race. And, uh, honestly, I don't think they're a mass threat, but I do believe they're breaking the law. I'm serious. Title eighteen twelve-oh-two. Read the Travis Walton story." OK, then. What do you say to that? I'll get right on it?

I suppose that I'd have to start off with "What in the hell are you talking about, sir?! Lord who? The Waltons? What? Sandbox? 9/11? Goodbye? What?!" You know how on an iPod you can put it on "Shuffle" and it will just randomly search through your iPod and then start playing songs at random? It's like Dan Aykroyd put his vocabulary on "Shuffle" and words just started flying out of his mouth at random. What in the world is he talking about?

And even though I don't know what you'd say and I don't know what I'd say, I certainly know what Larry King said. He asked him (of all things), "How do you arrest them?" And while that is a seemingly valid question, given everything Dan was just spouting off about, it's kind of the least of the things that I was really curious about, you know?

But Dan answered him with "Uh, that's the king. The FBI should be on that right away. I don't think they're a mass threat. If you want to save lives in this country, teach people to drive better, remove the cocaine appetite in the United States and stop people from texting while driving. That's the way to save lives." Wait. What's the king? I missed that part (and believe me, I was paying very close attention). Why did cocaine get brought into this? Are people doing the cocaine while they're texting while driving? I certainly hope not. That seems like an awful lot to try to manage all at the same time. The cell phone, the mirror, the straw...it does seem dangerous, though.

He came up with all of that in answer to how does one arrest these aliens that are here and breaking law eighteen twelve-oh-two in a way that may or may not involve a one Travis Walton?! Are you kidding me?

He finished up with, "I look at this...I look at this through the entertainment filter, Larry. That's what I do." That's hard to disagree with. It was definitely entertaining. Crazy as a pet coon, but entertaining none the less. The video of him spouting such entertainment is below. If you can make heads or tails out of it, please, for the love of God, let me know. It's things like this that tend to keep me up at night. Sometimes.

Willie Nelson - Truther

Are you familiar with the Truther movement? Or just the Truthers? They're the folks who don't believe the accepted explanations for what happened to the Twin Towers on 9/11. Yeah, they're the folks who believe that it was some sort of inside job by the US government. The basis for their beliefs seems to be strongly rooted in wanting to believe in a conspiracy. That's really the only explanation for it, as there isn't any logical reason one would believe that there is evidence pointing toward it being an inside job.

Now, there are plenty of folks out there who have come out and questioned what "really happened". Granted, when they get told what did really happen, they don't want to believe that. That's what makes them a truther. (It's also what makes them a nutjob, but that's a different topic all together.) There are some rather famous people who have publicly questioned what happened that day. Martin Sheen...Charlie Sheen (must run in the family)...Jesse Ventura (maybe it runs in Minnesota, too)...Rosie O'Donnell...and now we can add to that list. Now we can add old stoner, country singer Willie Nelson to that list.

Willie Nelson was on ancient Larry King's show the other night. And the ancient Larry King asked him about his truther views on 9/11. That, in and of itself, was shocking, as Larry King seems to be really good at lobbing softballs at people these days. (Quite frankly, it's amazing that Larry King can lob anything. What is he? Like one hundred?) He started off the conversation with, "What prompted you to look into this from another angle?" And Willie answered with the most ironic of answers when he said, "Just logic."

No, see, if you were using the "logic" that you claimed that you were using, you would have come to the conclusion that all of the conspiracy theories are completely ridiculous. But that's the problem with truthers. They are really into their own definition of logic. And Willie exemplified that point by explaining, "I've seen buildings implode before. I just saw the Texas Stadium implode just a couple of days ago. And these two building imploded. And the one next to it. Nothing hit it. No plane hit the one next to it. It just decided to fall on its own. Naturally, I have questions about how did that happen." Do you Willie? Really? Why? Because it's the same? Uh-huh. Whatever.

Did the building have to be hit with a plane for it to collapse? You don't think that it was possible for it to have been hit by debris from the two falling towers in order for it to collapse? That thought never crossed your mind, Willie? Apparently it did not. Then the ancient Larry King tries to reason with Willie Nelson (there's a sentence I never thought I'd type) by saying, "I'm told that the reason that it imploded was the so much heat from above and so much fuel on the jets that that caused it to go down rather than go over." OK. I'm not a fan of how he phrased that, but fair enough. Willie? Your response? "Never before has a building collapsed because it was hit by an airplane. A steel building. Never. Before." Oh, for cryin' out loud. Really?

This is where Larry King comes back with a pretty good response for someone who is 120 years old. He asked, "Uh, has any building been hit by a 747, though?" Willie? "I'm sure they have." Are you now? That's the best you can do? You're sure that they have? See, in order to avoid looking like a cuckoo bird, that would really have been the best place to provide the folks with some facts. But you don't have any facts. No, you have marijuana. That doesn't help sharpen your logic and reasoning skills, I'm guessing.

Larry King: "You think that there was something going on inside the building." Crazy Willie: "Well, I just question the whole thing. I question the story. I question the implosions. It just looks...too simple. You know?" Actually, no. No, I don't know. Simple doesn't necessarily mean "simple". Physics, while complex, are very simple when you understand the basic concepts. Heat melts steel! Get over it!

This is where I get a little annoyed at Larry King. He placates Willie by saying, "Well, others have questioned it too...although there was an investigation." How is that helping?! Don't tell these nutjobs that it's OK that they're thinking and promoting a bunch of stuff that is complete crap. What good does that do? None! All it does is give Willie Nelson the opportunity to say, "There was an investigation and I think that there should be more." Do you? How high are you right now, Willie? Very, I'm guessing.

So, Willie Nelson thinks that there should be more of an investigation as to how those buildings that were hit with airliners managed to implode because he saw Texas Stadium go down a few days ago? Sure, that makes sense. Who are you people? I don't get you at all. Listen, if you folks really believe that crap, what are you still doing here? Seriously. Because I think that if I believed that the government of my country had done something that sinister, I don't think that I could continue to live there. So, what are you people still doing here? Why haven't you moved to France or Germany? (Sorry, France and Germany. It's nothing personal. I was just thinking of someplace far away. I'm not trying to push all of these nutjobs on you.) What are you still doing here? Go! If the United States is so damn evil, get the hell out.

The video of Larry King and the stoned nutjob Willie Nelson is below. Hopefully, you'll enjoy it, but all it did was frustrate the hell out of me.

Another "Celebrity" Drug Death

Look, I've never in my life formed an opinion about Corey Feldman. Ever. But I think that I kind of knew that I was going to form one when I saw him at Michael Jackson's memorial service...dressed like Michael Jackson. Who does that? I've been to plenty of funerals in my time and never once have I gone to one where the attendees were dressed as the deceased. Never! Not once! You know why? Because it's weird. That is correct.

When Michael Jackson died, suddenly everything turned into the "Corey Feldman Media Tour". He did interviews with everyone that would listen to him, and given the state of the media these days, that pretty much included all of the media. He seems pretty fond of going on Larry King Live for some reason. Maybe it's because Larry isn't exactly at what I would call the top of his game anymore. (I'm assuming Larry knows that he's IN a studio and that it's the year 2010, but other than that, it's really hard to say.) And now that his buddy Corey Haim has met a sad, but fairly predictable, early demise, I'm expecting the Corey Feldman Media Tour to pick up steam and start moving full speed ahead.

I'll get back to Larry King in a moment. First, I'd like to present to you the slightly strange public statement that Corey Feldman issued in the wake of his friend's death. Now, Feldman and Haim had been best friends at various points in their lives. It was due to Haim's constant/frequent drug use and the sort of behavior that results from constant/frequent drug use which produced a strain on the relationship of these two former child stars. It's unclear exactly how close the two were at the time of Haim's death yesterday morning. But Feldman isn't going to let a little distance between friends come between him and a little bit of free publicity for himself. Here's his statement that he released after learned of Mr. Haim's death (which drugs likely played a part in).

"I was awakened at 8:30 this morning by my brother and sister knocking on my bedroom door. They informed me of the loss of my brother Corey Haim. My eyes weren't even open all the way when the tears started streaming down my face. I am so sorry for Corey, his mother Judy, his family, my family, all of our fans, and of course my son who I will have to find a way to explain this to when he gets home from school. This is a tragic loss of a wonderful, beautiful, tormented soul, who will always be my brother, family, and best friend. We must all take this as a lesson in how we treat the people we share this world with while they are still here to make a difference. Please respect our families as we struggle and grieve through this difficult time. I hope the art Corey has left behind will be remembered as the passion of that for which he truly lived."

OK, I don't know about you, but I found that a rather odd statement to make. And there was actually a part of it that made me a little mad. the part about "We must all take this as a lesson in how we treat the people we share this world with while they are still here to make a difference." Um, is he implying that Mr. Haim was mistreated during his time on this earth? Look, when you're a drug addict and you act like a drug addict, it's really not the people who are not drug addicts who need the lecture on how they're treating the drug addict, you know? It's not like the drug addicts are treating the non-drug addicts with the utmost respect all of the time. In case you were unaware, Mr. Feldman, drug addicts are rarely concerned about the lives of others. No, they're a little self-centered. But I digress. (Whoops. Gee, do you think a little bit of reality seeped in there, folks? I think it might have. Carry on.)

So, Mr. Feldman was on Larry King Live where he made some interesting statements. One of the things that he said which stood out to me was "Where were all these people to lend a handout, to reach out ot him and say, you're a legend, you're an amazingly talented wonderful person who's never really gone out of his way to hurt anyone, other than himself." Um, OK, first things first. "A legend"? Dude, Corey Haim might have been a lot of things, but he certainly wasn't a legend. I don't know that I can give you the exact formula for what makes a legend, but it doesn't include Corey Haim. He's not a legend.

Now let me go after the rest of that statement. He asks where everyone was. Does he not know? I wasn't around, but I can tell him. They were there. They were right there. They offered all of their support. They offered all of their love. They offered all of their time. And Corey Haim chose drugs instead, time after time after time. It gets old after a while. It gets really old. And just because people don't come around anymore, it doesn't mean that they don't care about you any more. A lot of the time it just means that they can't take you anymore. Try coming around them when you're all cleaned up and not high on whatever it is that you prefer to get high on. They'll be there for you. They'll do more than that. They'll welcome you in and they'll ask you back. But not when you're a disaster waiting to happen. No one wants to stick around to see that.

Mr. Feldman also remarked, "In this entertainment industry, in Hollywood, we build people up as children, we put them on pedestals, and then, when we decide they're not marketable anymore, we walk away from them." While I won't disagree with the meat of that statement, I don't see anything in there about how the industry walks away from them with a bag of drugs in their hands. You know, there are plenty of child stars who did not end up as tormented adults. I haven't done a study, nor have I even attempted to count and/or quantify that statement. But since when did all of this guy's problems become everyone else's fault?

While on his self-publicity stunt via a friend's death on Larry King, Feldman, in continuing to enable the late Mr. Haim, said, "Speaking from personal experience, Feldman said that, while he got himself cleaned up after struggling with drugs, his Two Coreys counterpart had a harder time, and by the time he was ready to face life sober again, "there was no one there to pull him up." Well, that explains it. Look, if you're on drugs and you want to get off of drugs, you know who you have to have help you? No one but yourself. You have to find that thing, that reason, that drive that is only deep within you that will motivate you to do what you have to do. You can't expect other people to be there for you. You can't expect other people to help you. There are some things in this life, no matter how much we might not like it, that we have to do on our own and without any help from anyone else. Don't get me wrong. Having people support you is a huge help whenever you're trying to overcome any obstacle. But you can't make your success contingent upon who is or who isn't waiting for you at the finish line.

In closing with Larry King, Feldman said that "...funeral plans haven't been made yet but that he and Haim's family "want to plan a sizable memorial. I would like to see Hollywood pay their respects." Define "Hollywood", Corey. There will be folks there, but I don't know if "Hollywood", in its entirety, is going to show up. But even if "Hollywood" did show up, I doubt that they're going to be there in the capacity that Mr. Feldman expressed that they be, which was him saying "Hopefully he's going to be remembered as a beautiful, funny, enigmatic character who brought nothing but life and lights and entertainment and art to all of our lives." Yeah, that's not going to happen. He's going to be remembered as a good guy who couldn't pull himself away from the drugs long enough to save his own life. He'll be remembered as yet another Hollywood actor who died way too young from drugs. You can't glorify someone's life when it ends with an early death which was likely caused by drug use. You just can't.

Hopefully, this will be the last that we see of Mr. Feldman for a while. And really, it seems that all it will take for that to happen is for people that he knows to not die. Hang in there, guys! You can do it!