Odd Keyword Searches

People find this blog by a variety of means. (And God bless those Google boys.) But regardless as to which search engine they are using (and the majority of the time, it is a search engine), they have to put in keywords to find what they're looking for. As I have a little program called Stat Counter which keeps track of a multitude of things for me here at the blog, I am privy to what the keywords are that people are searching for. It's usually pretty easy to tell what's in the news on certain days because a lot of searches will have keywords pertaining to a hot news item. But other days, the search keywords just look like a cornucopia of crap with a one way ticket straight to this blog. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I'm going to share with you some of the search terms that brought folks here yesterday. Let's begin.

I had two requests for "rachel raye naked red tube". I don't even know what in the hell that could possible mean. Red tube? I can assume that they mean the cute and perky little cooking chick, Rachel Ray, but I have no idea what in the world the "red tube" is referring to. I can't even guess. Whatever. I certainly hope that this blog post helped them out: The Possibility of the Misperception of Scarves

I had a couple of chicken queries yesterday. One was for "chicken says weatherforcast". (Thank God that people don't need to know how to spell, nor separate words in order to find this blog.) The other was for "one legged chicken". Oddly enough, both of those inquiries were likely directed to this post: Today's News - Now With Chickens!

I receive an unimaginable number of hits from people looking for whores in London. Whores in London. Hookers in London. Prostitutes in London. People want to pay for sex when they're in London, that's for sure! Cheap whores in London. Cheapest hookers in London. Oddly enough, I get almost no inquiries for things like "How to tell if I'm riddled with chlamydia after a trip to Europe." Almost never. But I have gotten plenty of mileage, thanks to the wonderment that is the European hooker, out of this post: Economical Hookers In London. (In fact, if you Google "hookers in london" the first result will be this blog! That's a fact that brings me an equal amount of pride and shame at the same time.)

There's not a day that goes by that someone doesn't inquire as to whether or not Annette Funicello is dead. I don't know why that is. Seriously. No other celebrity on my end of things has had their mortality wondered about than Annette Funicello. I cannot explain it. Nope. Can't even come close. And the post that folks are directed to, Who Are These People & Why Are They Hot?, isn't really going to help you understand that either. But I'm here to tell you, she's alive. And I'm also here to tell you, you'll know when she's dead.

Sometimes the search terms just make me laugh. There was "i got tricked to pose nude on chatroulette" that just made me howl with laughter. Really? Tricked? By a computer? Man, do I want to know the back story on THAT one. What really has me confused is that came up not once, but twice. There are at least TWO morons out there who, inexplicably, took off their clothes with their webcam activated as they were logged onto Chat Roulette. Wow. Who are you people? And why are you looking to blogs for what to do about what ails you? Put your damn clothes on and read a book, for cryin' out loud! "what do you mean by nope" was another one that was quite a head scratcher for me. What does that even mean? Nope means nope! Nope! It's not like it's all cryptic or anything. It means nope! Odd, yet hilarious.

Look, the point to all of this is that regardless as to how you found this blog and whether or not you found it with or without your clothes on, I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks

Denizens of the Chat Roulette Dungeon

The other day I did a post about the website Chat Roulette. The premise of the site is that you allow your webcam to be accessed and so do other people who are using the site. You are then paired up with a random stranger and you can either proceed to chat with them or click 'Next' to be directed to another random stranger. And the term 'stranger' is really appropriate in this instance because there are some pretty strange characters out there in Cyber-Land. Strange is actually an understatement. Pretty effin weird is more like it. It's the dungeon of the human soul.

The thing is that I wrote my post based upon my own experiences with Chat Roulette (with my webcam turned off, thank you very much). And while it was weird, it was certainly nothing in comparison to what other folks have come up with. My experience was tame compared to what some people have encountered. Let's take a looksee at some of THAT weirdness, shall we? OK, then....

Um, yeah. All rightee then. What's next? Oh, here we have some dude who is dressed, head to toe (I'm assuming) like a cat. Behold!

Here is a man who is, um, well, let's just say "working from home." Behold!
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I don't know which one of the screenshot below is the most hilarious. The very large individual in his undergarments who appears to be scratching his very large stomach or the two dudes below him with Heineken masks, complete with red straws for antennas. Your choice.

The only thing that would freak me out more than seeing one guy covered head to toe in some sort of colored cloth suit would be two guys covered head to toe in some sort of colored cloth suit. Oh, look. There it is. Yep. I'm totally freaked out.

Not only is the screenshot below of a guy in an Obama mask and a guy in a Batman mask hilarious, what is even more hysterical is their conversation over on the right. I'd almost like to know people like that. If it weren't for the masks. Or the Chat Roulette. Or any of it. Moving on...

Hard to say what makes this next one so enjoyable. Is it the full on gas mask outfit or is it the completely wigged out girls? I think it's definitely a little of both. He's the yin to the girls's yang.

I did a little reading and I actually learned of a "regular" on Chat Roulette. It's a guy who goes by the name of Shirtless Bird Faced Donkey Man. That's SBFDM if you're into acronyms. Shirtless Bird Faced Donkey Man is just what he sounds like. He's a Shirtless Bird Faced Donkey Man. See for yourself. Behold!

I told you! As I was writing this post and as I was scouring the Internets for various screenshots of Chat Roulette weirdos, I figured I should give Chat Roulette one more shot in an attempt for me to find my own super weirdo. So I logged on and bingo. There he was. Covered-in-some-sort-of-stretchy-animal-print-guy. Behold!

Yeah, I didn't know what to make of it either. But I know this much. I know that I either have to come up with a hilarious sign or I have got to get myself some sort of a mask. Maybe a Muppet. I'm not sure. All suggestions are welcome. Some might even be considered.

Wheel of Weirdos at Chat Roulette

I'm not about to say that Chat Roulette is some huge craze that's taking the Internet by storm, but I am going to say that a lot of people are writing about it and/or talking about it. I'm also going to say that while it's incredibly odd, it's also incredibly entertaining.

Picture this: You're in your house, hovel, tepee, whatever, and you're bored and you'd like to talk to someone. Now picture that you want to talk to someone that you don't know. Personally, I'm not sure what the appeal is in that. I'm not a big fan of "the stranger", but I guess that for a lot of people, that's appealing. (If you know what the appeal is, please let me know. I'm stumped.)

The solution to your dilemma above is Chat Roulette. The concept is simple. You allow the camera and/or the microphone on your computer to be activated. You sit in front of your computer and you click "Chat" or "Start" or whatever it says. The image of you streams onto the screen and then the site hooks you up with the video stream of a "random stranger" that is also on the site. Then you see the image of them. At that point, you can decide to click "Next" and go onto the next "random stranger" or you can chat with whoever you have there. That's all there is to it.

The thing is that this site seems to be like the dungeon of the human soul. There are a lot of people sitting in very dark rooms, as if they are doing something sinister. In a few cases, there was plenty of sinister going on (ie, crank yankers). No one looked particularly happy. The men outnumbered the women on probably an undercalculated average of 10 to 1 (it's probably closer to 15 to 1, but I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt here, something I'm getting good at these days). I come to those conclusions having spent about ten minutes on the site with my camera and my microphone off, so I could see into the dungeon of the human soul, but it couldn't see into mine. Seemed safest that way. How about some examples? All rightee then!

Here we have some of the aforementioned (and censored) crank yankers. Behold!

You thought I was kidding, didn't you? I was NOT. Let's see, what else? The sunglasses look was fairly popular (though if they were worried about being seen, they just could have turned off their camera, so I don't get it.

I like the Unabomber look that the one dude is sporting there. Sure. That's normal. Who else? We have perplexed guy...

Hooded guy amidst one heck of a mess...

Cousin of perplexed guy...

And pot smoking guy...

I did really enjoy puppet guy...

But you know what I really enjoyed? This could make the site something other than an anonymous outlet for public masturbaters. I really liked the hats and masks. Yes. The hats. And the masks. Behold!

I really admire the guy in the furry hat there for not covering up his face. Way to go, anonymous chat dude! Way to go.

And finally, we have the signs. I appreciate the signs. I don't know how successful they are going to be in their quest for breasts, but if they were only trying to amuse, they succeeded on several different levels. Behold!