*****
This weekend C and I went to see Cloverfield. A student of mine--a very talented, advanced fiction student, no less, who knows h-- way around exposition--noted several weeks ago to our class that this movie had the "best exposition" of any movie ever. Ever. Of course this was hyperbole, but nevertheless, I suggested to C, a huge horror movie fan (I'm not), that we see the film. He was game. I am not going to offer a long review this film, which thankfully cost only $5 to see, beyond saying that it was just bad, and not in the good sense, but so bad that I did think it might be worth it, given the matinée price, to cut our losses and walk out. Beyond the CGI artistry, the cinematography (a major one, granted) and the initial appearance of monster(s), the film lacked in every category, from characterization to pacing to plotting, with severe demerits for implausibility and excessive sentimentality. The ending was so predictable and treacly I thought for a second that it might be a false one, and that something else would overturn it. (There is a key nugget at the end of the credits, but it doesn't address the maudlin narrative passage that precedes it.) No such luck.
One pressing question was: why in the hell does the damned monster (or monsters, because it was initially hard to tell if it was one or multiple ones, since the creature was menacing the Lower East Side and Soho, and smashed a tentacle, or something like it, into the Brooklyn Bridge, but shortly thereafter was said to be in Midtown, and then seemed to move uptown towards Columbus Circle, which the intrepid and horribly narcissistic protagonist...oh, I can't even go on) attack Manhattan, and was it only Manhattan, or also Brooklyn, Queens, Long Island in general, the US mainland (i.e, the Bronx and New Jersey, etc.)? Is/are the monster(s) also in the pay of Osama bin Laden and whoever else was behind the 9/11 attacks? Why don't these damned monsters ever run amok on the Great Plains? Or in northern Utah? Or down the Texas Panhandle? Given the proponderance of dinosaur bones in the Dakotas, wouldn't gigantic endlessly multiplying, voracious monstrosities find them a welcome playground, at least in spatial terms? Yes, I get the 9/11 parallels, but still, the film never established even the most basic ground rules or premises for the monster's appearance and its existence in the world. As C kept asking, were monsters attacking elsewhere? What about London? Johannisberg? Beijing? São Paulo? Yes, I know, it's karmic payback to the US alone, and in particular, its center of global finance....
Just an awful movie with insipid characters and some of the most inept pacing I've ever seen on film. It almost makes me think fondly of Crap, I mean, Crash, which was horrible in its own, manifold ways.
*****
*****
Lastly, I am going to make some of these. This site is like Halloween candy, it's hard to put it down. If I make enough and you're anywhere nearby, I'll let you know. That is, unless I devour them all by myself.
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